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Author Topic: Parents are spying...
beaver987
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Hi everybody,
So I've been dating for a little over a year and a half (the same guy). My mom knows about my relationship becasue she knows I've had oral sex and didn't like the idea of it (so I don't bring it up to her anymore). ---so she thinks I have once).

My dad constantly spies on us every single time my boyfriend comes over. He comes down to the basement at least 2 times in about an hour (to do things........). Today my boyfriend and I were sitting on the floor watching TV and started making out...all of the sudden I saw the gate open through our underground window (it's in kind of a well area, so I look up to see the grass and window). I quickly got nervous and shut the blinds halfway and saw him walk back looking down into the window on his way to the front yard. I looked afterward (the sun was lower) so it was easier to see through i, but he may have saw us making out...i'm not sure.

He's the type of dad that thought it was disrespectful of us to makeout in our basement a while ago and got very mad when he knew that I make out with my boyfriend. I have had oral and manual sex, but I hate that he constantly spies on us. He's not at all the type of person to talk to about this, but it's really driving me crazy and I don't know what to do.

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bookwormfairy
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Hi beaver987, i have amost the same problem except my parents don't like him because of his race. Instead of spying they would try to keep us apart. My dad did that once he did tell me afterwards what he saw us doing. In my opinion I would go talk with your parents about how you don't like what they are doing. Tell them that they should trust you to make the right decisions regarding your romantic life and give them reason to why they should trust you. Good luck.

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~Lillian

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Angelica Maria
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If that was me id go to his house instead. If you do, I hope your father doesn't fallow you there. He is your bf so why should your dad take it so personally that you guys kiss in the basement? I can understand it if you kissed him in front of your parents, but I think that you should talk to your dad and ask him to please back off. If you do, tell him the reason I just explained to you. Good luck [Smile]

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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amy_the_artist
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I have a similar problem, although mine is slightly different because while my mother likes my boyfriend, she does not approve of our intimacy, although I am over 18 and we waited almost six months to progress beyond kissing. Unfortunately, as with my situation, this might be a case of "my house, my rules." Reasonable discussion with my mum failed to bring her round to my way of thinking, and she says that she cannot allow something to go on under her roof that she thinks is wrong. To be honest, your parents love you very much, and they deserve the right to say that; they're just trying to do what they think is right. Now, that being said, just because those are the rules does not mean that you have to obey them if you think they're wrong, and once again, as in my situation, I would recommend merely circumnavigating them. Try, as others have suggested, going to his house, as long as his parents are agreeable. (My solution, incidentally. And my mum wonders why we never come over [Smile] )
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Robin Lee
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HI Beaver987,

It for sure feels like an intrusion and invasion of your privacy to have your parents keeping an eye on you. I suspect they are doing so out of concern for you, but that doesn't make it any nicer, I know. The ideal is that they would trust that you will only do what you're ready for.

Unless your Dad or Mom says something, or starts preventing the two of you from having alone time, perhaps this really is just them checking up on you (again, not nice) and not passing judgment on you making out with your boyfriend. IN other words, if your Dad did see something, it's possible that he was okay, or okay enough not to do anything about it, with what he saw.

As Amy The Artist said above, your parents do have the right to say what does and doesn't happen under their roof but it's on them to say that. Until or unless they do, you can do other things to redue the likelihood of being seen.

Would you like to talk about ways you could discuss this with your parents?

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Robin

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Jill2000Plus
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin Lee:
As Amy The Artist said above, your parents do have the right to say what does and doesn't happen under their roof but it's on them to say that. Until or unless they do, you can do other things to redue the likelihood of being seen.

If my parents told me not to masturbate under their roof I'd just ignore them and cut off contact with them as soon as I could, it's my body and my parents don't have the right to deny me the right to express and explore my sexuality just because we live in the same house. And if my parents told me not to have sex in the house, again, I'd probably just hide it, and I don't care if they pay the bills, it's my house too. As a disabled person I do not agree with this belief that parents have the right to control the legal minor's sex life because the whole "it's my roof, my rules" can and has been used to deny disabled people who are still living at home in adulthood sexual autonomy and privacy, and because I disagree with it anyway.

I understand that parents may be worried about the potential impact if their child gets pregnant and chooses to continue the pregnancy (or is forced to), but I've come across numerous people who really do seem to believe that children don't even have the right to masturbate/shouldn't masturbate in their parents' house if their parents forbid it, and I find that belief disgustingly ageist, because the child masturbating is not going to interfere with the parents' life, and if they walk in on them, that's probably because they didn't knock and respect their child's privacy like they should, plus, children don't get to deny their parents the right to masturbate because they might not like it if they walk in on their parents, and if a parent chooses to have another child it can hugely impact on their other children's quality of life, but no-one has done anything about those poor Duggar girls who are effectively parenting their younger siblings because their parents are too selfish to not have more kids than they can raise themself without using their kids as unpaid constant babysitters (I'm not saying kids shouldn't help out with their younger siblings, but there's a limit to what's healthy, especially considering that those parents are choosing to have these kids expecting that their daughters will do a lot of the work, and that they're using it as a means of training them up to have lots and lots of children themselves whether they like it or not).

I'm all for talking about ways to discuss these things with parents, but I really don't buy that my parents have the right to control me like that, nor do I more generally buy that because someone is providing financial support for someone or paid for the house they live in, they have the right to control that person's sexual expression (I don't believe that if I'm renting a house or a room from someone they have the right to control my sex life, for instance, or that if I were a ward of the state or in a catholic children's home they'd have the right to control me like that either).

[ 07-16-2012, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: Jill2000Plus ]

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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beaver987
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I would like to discuss ways to talk about this, Robin. Thank you. He hasn't said anything yet (maybe isn't going to), but the fact that he tries to spy is embarrassing (that he's doing this maybe because he doesn't trust me)and is a major invasion of privacy. They've always been the type of parents that used to take the diary I once kept and read it, they still will go through my texts from my boyfriend if I leave my phone out, and now walk down in the basement multiple times or catch a glimpse through the window. I'd rather not bring it up directly, but i'd like to somehow give them the hint.

My mom knows about my romantic part of my relationship and doesn't agree with the decision i've made to become oraly and manually sexually active (i've talked to her about it once, she got mad, so I've never talked to her about it again), so I feel like I can't go to her to talk about my dad spying or not trusting me. I'm not sure what to do...Thanks for all of your help

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beaver987
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Also, I know this is totally off topic, but just popped into my head today and was just wondering about it. I've read the "pregnancy scared" and it's never happened to me, but can you get pregnant if you touch your guy's penis in the shower? like he touches it to your vagina? (like maybe it brushing up on accident or something?)
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WesLuck
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[ 07-17-2012, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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beaver987
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Hi Scarleteen!,
Just wondering if the blank response will affect the message to be recieved by you guys...thanks for all of your help!

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WesLuck
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Sorry, I made a response and then deleted it because the site itself is not specifically answering pregnancy risk questions at the moment (see http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027495.html). [Smile] However in this case, I'll just say that penis to vagina contact does pose a small, non-zero risk of pregnancy when there is no obvious seminal fluids (semen, pre-ejaculate etc.). But normally the site staff themselves wouldn't reply to pregnancy questions at this point in time. I just wanted to clarify why I initially deleted my reply. [Smile]

PS: I'm not a part of the site's staff, just that I didn't want to encourage people asking pregnancy questions when the site has a policy currently that people need to do their own assessment instead. [Smile]

[ 07-18-2012, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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WesLuck
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The previous post didn't format the link right, it is actually:

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027495.html

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