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Author Topic: ugh
kitties20
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Member # 95092

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Me and my boyfriend had an amazing relationship together. He was absolutely perfect and never gave me a reason to break up with him. But recently i found out that he "cheated" on me. The girl who he cheated on with, was the one who initiated and he kissed back once because of sheer panic, but afterwards refused kisses from her. But they did lay on the bed together and he talked about how much he loved me and told her how this was a mistake.

I accept and appreciate the fact that he was able to say that he loves me and that what had happened was a mistake, but now my bf feels so much remorse that its affecting our relationship. He tells me how he has always had feelings for her since he was little, but its just a crush and that he chooses me and wants to be with me only. But he feels like hes "cheating" by texting her. Even though they've established that they're just friends, it still bothers me.

Am i just being paranoid? Should i have a reason to be upset? I've been fighting with him so much because i feel like he's not being his usually loving self. He wants to stay together and work this out, but he gets upset whenever i fight with him. He wants normalcy.

I just hope this works out. It sucks when someone who's been nothing but perfect ends up doing something like this. [Frown] [Frown] [Frown] [Frown] [Frown]

Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitties20
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i don't mean to be a bother, but no one replied [Frown]
Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
copper86
Peer Ambassador
Member # 95710

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Hi Kitties20,

You are not being a bother at all! I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. I know for a fact how hard this is... And if I could, I'd definitely give you a hug right now.

With any kind of situation like this, I think the first thing you could do (though I know this is much easier said than done) is to relax and take a deep breath. Thinking through this is tough, but it's much tougher when you're upset. Try and look at things in a more rational way, maybe. For instance, say you have a friend who came to you with a similar situation with her boyfriend. What would you tell her to do to relax and to try and get some perspective? What would you tell her to do, knowing how much her boyfriend loves her and how much she loves him? I'm not sure if that will help; but I sometimes do that when I'm going through something, and it sometimes gives me a bit more logic and reduces some of my panic.

It seems like your boyfriend is very supportive and loving - not to mention very honest with you; which I think is indicative of a very healthy relationship. Since things are so open with you, maybe you could approach him on your feelings about this - how you feel upset, how you feel that he is different and not being his normal self - and see what he says. Maybe he doesn't know that he is acting different; or maybe he doesn't mean to. It sounds like he is feeling very guilty; so perhaps his guilt could be making him act differently. Sometimes when I feel guilty, I get quiet and nervous; so I'm just going from my own experiences. [Smile]

I don't think you should feel upset by having the feelings you do - they're your own and you are entitled to them. Your feelings and reactions are a logical response to what had happened; so don't think that you are "wrong" by feeling those emotions. You might feel some comfort by writing down your feelings in a diary; or talking to a close friend about them. But I would still suggest that you could maybe talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling; and add that you want things to work out.

I think when something like this happens, it takes a lot of courage on the part of both people involved in the relationship to make things work. Communication and honesty might not always be easy (I'm certainly not perfect at either!); but I think that you could tell your boyfriend how you feel - maybe having a "truth talk" about how the both of you are feeling would help both of you feel better.

I really hope that you are doing okay; and that tomorrow is a better day.

--------------------
"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitties20
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Well i did talk to him today about how i felt. he was very supportive and he said he understood. i guess i didn't really see how much the guilt was bothering him. I just thought that maybe if he reassured me about his love for me, then everything would be okay. But then i remembered that i have to talk to him about how he feels too.

I know he made a mistake and after all, he is human. he came and told me how he picked me and how he doesn't have feelings for her anymore and that made me feel better.

i just hope i can get through the pain of all this. sometimes i lash out because of all the pain and the memories of all this [Frown]

Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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