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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Moving On?

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Author Topic: Moving On?
Silver-Lined Clouds
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Member # 54584

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I have come to realize that I need to move on from my current boyfriend. Our relationship has been on eggshells almost from the beginning. I don't regret any of it, but it's definitely had more downs than ups. I've been there for him so many times, and he hasn't been there for me when I needed him. He recognizes that, but he hasn't made any changes. Also, our relationship has been almost completely through texts. I know it sounds bad, but it's how we communicated. I haven't seen him in a week, and this isn't abnormal, at one time, I hadn't seen him in a whole month.

The problem is, I don't know how to break up with him. I love him still. He was my first love, we split for 4 years and then got back together for almost two years. So now, how do I tell him that it's time to move on? To make matters worse, life is super bad for him right now, and I don't want to add a break up on top of it all. To be honest, I'm worried about doing it because it might push him over the edge of his depression. I don't want to cause him pain, but it's not healthy for me to stay in this relationship any more.

And to complicate matters more, I've started a new job recently, and I've become infatuated by one of my co-workers. I know that I would have a much healthier relationship with this person, and he wants to pursue a relationship with me. I have told him that I need time to think things through, and that no matter what, I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend, because that's not the girl I am. He has given me the room I need, and I appreciate that.

I don't really want to tell my boyfriend that I've met somebody else, and I think he may ask me.

I don't know what to do, how to talk to my boyfriend about breaking up, or anything. I don't know how to text something like that to him, because he never talks to me on the phone, unless he calls (which is VERY rarely, maybe four times total in a year). And I don't want to tell him in person, because I don't want to see the hurt in his eyes.

Thank you for reading,
Silver

Posts: 46 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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Member # 49582

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Have you read this yet, Silver: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

When we're talking about feelings, not actions, the attraction you feel for your co-worker really isn't any of your current partner's business. So, if he asks 'is there someone else', you can say that you haven't broken any relationship agreements, which is true. If your partner does end up pushing you and asking about feelings rather than actions, perhaps you could remind him that, even in very healthy and happy relationships, partners can have feelings for many other people - as we can't control them or just switch them off - so feelings really are irrelevant to your break-up. As you no longer feel like you're fully choosing to be in this relationship, the chances are you'd be feeling like it was time to end this even without your co-worker. Do I have that right?

One thing to remember here is: you aren't responsible for him - or how he feels, or his own actions. Only he can be responsible for those. If he finds he isn't coping with this break up very well, then it's on him to get help with that, either professionally or from friends or family, or by himself.

[ 07-02-2012, 07:50 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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