I have been speaking to a girl online for a while, and we've gone from being just normal online friends to wanting to start going out. We share common friends, I've met several people who've met her and that's how we got introduced, but I've never met her. In a few weeks we'll be meeting for the first time.
I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable about the fact we've occasionally been discussing sex. I'm a virgin, and she's not, she's a little older than I am. I feel a bit nervous. She understands and says we don't have to go all the way the first time we meet and she won't force me to do anything I'm not ready to. But if it's a possible, then I'm going to worry.
It's not just anxiety about having to perform, I also grew up in a very conservative household and get shy about the issue of sex. Even if we don't do it, I actually feel a bit weird about her not being a virgin too. How do I get past this weird feeling and accept that she has a history?
Edit: Oh, and she lost her virginity to a friend-of-a-friend, and that makes me feel a little weird knowing the guy's name and face.
In other words, before you even consider being sexual with her and how you'd feel about that, why don't you meet her?
You can even make clear that this first meeting is only that, and that sex isn't something you want on the table, at all, for that meeting.
It sounds to me like you might be trying to figure and sort some things out before it makes sense to do that. heck, you don't even know if you'll feel chemistry together and both be interested in anything sexual, nor how you might feel about her having a sexual history and you not when you two are actually more well-acquainted.
It might also be sound, in the meantime, to chill out with the sex-talk. It's obviously making you feel a little uncomfortable, and again, talking about engaging in any kind of sex with someone we haven't even been in the presence of to know if both of us will truly have those feelings is putting the cart before the horse most of the time.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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