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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Best friend flirts with my new boyfriend- advice

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Author Topic: Best friend flirts with my new boyfriend- advice
FantasyGirl
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Member # 95986

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My best friend flirts - openly and extravagantly with my new boyfriend.
Its so bad I have to leave events and parties early.
I know that a few years ago she liked him and I checked with her before we got together more than once. But there are moments when she acts like his girlfriend...
do I risk loosing her by calling her out on her behavior??? Or just deal??

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fishmonger72
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The best thing to do here would be to straight up talk to your friend about this. If you don't talk to her she won't know that she's upsetting you.
Posts: 6 | From: New York | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BrightStar171
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I also have some thoughts here, but I don't want to provide them until I know a few more details. What does your boyfriend think about this? Have you talked to HIM about it? How does he react when sh flirts with him? Is he uncomfortable with it, or does he flirt back? Has he ever tried asking her to stop?
Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FantasyGirl
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Hi,

I've spoken to my boyfriend before about this and he agrees that its a little over the top....
But he doesn't think she means anything by it...
He doesn't flirt back and usually tries to back away- especially because he knows how uncomfortable I am with it....

I'm just worried that I'm going to loose her as a friend.....she's very sensitive.....and I sometimes worry its not as bad as I think it is.....

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BrightStar171
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Well, it doesn't sound like you feel like she's a very good friend. Someone who would end a friendship over a friend telling them they were doing something hurtful doesn't sound like someone with whom you could ever have very healthy communication. I'm of the opinion that talking to people is almost always the best solution, because healthy communication is important not just to a healthy romantic relationship, but to any healthy relationship. It doesn't sound like a very healthy friendship if you feel like your friend can treat you however badly she wants, and you can't talk to her about it because she's too sensitive.

That said, given the circumstances here, it does sound like you your boyfriend might also be able to talk to her. If he's uncomfortable with the flirting (or uncomfortable with how you're uncomfortable with the flirting), he can always say to her next time it happens "Hey [friend], I feel like you've been getting a little too flirtatious in how you're interacting with me. I know you don't mean anything by it, but it's making me uncomfortable; could you tone it down?"

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A Flower
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I agree with everything said above. Your friend's behavior is obviously causing you discomfort that could really effect your friendship if these feelings aren't resolved. It's also possible that your friend may not realize that she's flirting, she may feel it's important to get along with your boyfriend since he is with you, it's also possible that she might still have a small lingering attraction towards him, not enough to want to her your relationship, but just enough that she likes his attention.

I know it may be difficult and awkward but you or your boyfriend should say something. I've been in your friend's situation, where a friend of mine started going out with someone I really fancied, and yeah it hurt and I was a tiny bit resentful, but if I had done anything to make her feel uncomfortable I would have wanted to know. If she's a true friend then she's going to care about your feelings and respect that what she's been doing makes you feel uncomfortable.

--------------------
"The life you live is your own. Life was meant to be lived." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 3 | From: England and soon to be NYC | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FantasyGirl
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Thank you for your advice....
I've arranged to have a talk with her....
I'll let you guys know how it went!!!
Once again thank you- its nice to just hear an outsiders view....

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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