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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Best friend says they're in love with me, then skips out? D:

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Author Topic: Best friend says they're in love with me, then skips out? D:
0hhayImfailingEspanol
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So my best friend recently confessed that he's been "in love with me" for quite a while now. After some hesitation i admitted that i had feelings for him too. Since he had done the same another time, then ignored me, he promised never to do that again and that he loved me and we're best friends no matter what. I believed him. That was about 2 weeks ago. A few days after that he stopped answering my texts and calls and i couldn't go to his house. I figured he was busy. A few days ago, i had already figured out he was ignoring me. I was on facebook, chatting with a friend of ours when that friend brought him up (let's call my best friend Chad). I told him that me and Chad hadn't spoken and my friend is like "Well I'm chatting with him now and he's saying some pretty nasty things about you." My friend said that Chad was describing in detail how he wanted to perform cunnilingus (oral sex to women) on me, (Chad isn't a virgin so that doesn't surprise me) and saying how hot i am and just being so... gross! I feel like he's been like for the entire time we've been good friends ! [Frown] I don't know, i told him everything, he was so important to me... He still is. What i need help with is:
1)Am i over-reacting? 2)Do you think we were ever really friends in the first place or was he just using me? 3) Should i just pretend like NOTHING ever happened and just randomly start talking to him again? That's what i feel like doing. I miss him. Sorry for ranting, but if you're still reading, thanks for listening [Smile]

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Hello, ohhayImfailingEspanol, and welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

No, I don't think that you're over-reacting. His intentions, at this point, seem to be completely unclear. The fact that he claimed to have feelings for you and then proceeded to ignore you for long periods of time, twice, and subsequently describing in detail his sexual fantasies involving you to his friend puts his character in a very questionnable light.

Which brings me to my second point: I believe that it is an extremely good idea for you to confront him and bluntly talk to him about several things. Firstly, you can ask him about the reason why he confesses to you and then ignores you altogether. Secondly, it is really important to make clear to him that you're not okay with him describing in detail to others how he's planning to engage in sexual activities with you.

I understand that you value his friendship and that he's important to you, but you must keep in mind that this sort of behaviour is not fitting for someone who calls himself your best friend, especially since aspects of his behaviour has gotten extremely inappropriate.

What do you think?

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
0hhayImfailingEspanol
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Hey [Smile] thanks SansNom.
And, yeah i know. It's really weird because he's one of those 'people-persons' that are great to everyone. He normally wouldn't be so blunt about a subject if he wasn't talking about it with me.
Which worries me a lot because when he is so blunt or vulgar about things, it usually means he isn't sober. He fell into the wrong crowd a while back, and i've been helping him kick his habits. I guess he decided to pick them up again recently. :/
After the last time he did this, he tried to explain himself. He said that he knew it couldn't work (he moved due to his parents divorce and we couldn't see each other as often)so he wanted us to get over each other because it was too hard.

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Sans
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quote:
Originally posted by 0hhayImfailingEspanol:
He normally wouldn't be so blunt about a subject if he wasn't talking about it with me.
Which worries me a lot because when he is so blunt or vulgar about things, it usually means he isn't sober. He fell into the wrong crowd a while back, and i've been helping him kick his habits. I guess he decided to pick them up again recently. :/

I must say, you're a very supportive friend. [Smile]
Hmmm. I'd still say that, in my opinion, the best thing to do right now is to confront him and talk to him regarding both his confession and the possiblity that he has picked up drinking again, as a friend who is concerned about him. Do you two go to the same school?

You know, if it is really the case that he has started drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd again, it may prove to be beyond your help. I'm not saying, for a fact, that it is, and I'm not saying this to discourage you. On the contrary, I think that it may be a good idea for you to encourage him to seek out professional help, if he wants it. For example, you could encourage him to talk to a school counsellor. The reason why I say this is because it may be difficult to be the one to help him kick his habits. What do you think?

Btw, if I say anything that you don't identify with/isn't relevant, feel free to ignore it. [Smile]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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