I've mentioned here before about a good online friend I have. He's a few years older than me, and lives in the US, while I live in England. We've helped each other through bad times, we share interests, and we're open enough that it's come up in conversation that we're compatible in that neither of us like the idea of actually having sex. I had a pretty big crush on him a few years ago, which I put down to just him being nice. I figured nothing would come of it. Recent conversations ended up with us both confessing that we wouldn't mind the friendship moving up a level. The problem is we're still on opposite sides of the Atlantic, and I really don't think either of us would ever want to move. I know it's a bit silly to be thinking about that before a relationship even starts, but it's a very big and obvious hurdle. Naturally the situation's rather awkward and embarrassing. I don't want to stop talking to him because I feel we need each other as friends (neither of us has many close friends). Honestly, if we did try to take it further, I have no idea how we would go about doing so. Does anyone have any advice? I don't know if I'm asking for someone to talk us out of it or talk us into it. I really do want an outside perspective.
Posts: 475 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
Hi, I can understand where you're coming from - I have a close friend who I've made online (who lives far away, as well) and things sometimes got slightly awkward between us; since we became so close in our friendship. So I can certainly get where you're coming from about things being different and awkward.
The one thing I would caution you about is to make sure you know who this person really is. I'm not judging you or anything (since I too have an online friend!); but it is always a good plan to make sure you know who someone really is before getting to know them in a different light - especially if they're online friends. But you sound close with him for a very long time; so perhaps this isn't even an issue!
As far as the awkward thing goes, I do think that, regardless of whether or not you want to take things to another level or not, you should not avoid him or the issue at hand. I know it's awkward and a difficult issue to handle; but avoiding the issue or avoiding talking to him will not help. You can always take smaller steps in talking to him; and then eventually work your way up into talking about the bigger things. Or, you can both make a set time to talk about your relationship; and you can even make a list of some questions you might have for him that you can ask then.
I usually over-analyze everything; so the moving issue in your mind doesn't seem like a very huge leap to me. You're thinking ahead, which is good; but maybe try to think about the more immediate hurdles right now (talking to him, sorting out the friendship) before thinking that far ahead.
Whether or not you want to pursue a more intimate relationship with your friend is entirely up to you. I am not trying to talk you into it or out of it. Find out what you truly want to do; and I'm sure that after talking with him about it, you might have a clearer idea of what you'd like to do.
-------------------- "I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can) Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012
| IP: Logged |
Hey, I was in a situation like you are, but the person I became friends with doesn't live to far but in a different country. He lives in the US, but thankfully I live close to the border and he has come to meet me and stay a night. We known each other for a few years before meeting. He is coming on my Birthday this month and staying for about a week.
Not sure if you have any web chat video thing like Skype, because you can talk to each other that way and see each other and it's free. You could pool money together for either yourself to fly there or him to fly where you are and meet and see where things go from there. Just a thought.
I hope things work out for you guys
Posts: 517 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.