So, my ex and I broke up almost a year ago after almost two years of dating and four months ago he decided that it would be best for both of us if we didn't talk to each other for a while. We never really fought, he decided to end things because we wanted different things in life. So It's just been realy hard for me to deal with all of this because he was my first and only love and my bestfriend. I've dated other a few men but none of them would make me feel the way that he did. I've forced myself to hangout with tons of people to keep my mind off him but nothing works. I think about him everyday, when he's thinking of his new girlfriend. I feel like I don't have anyone else to talk to about this because it seems like nobody really knows what I'm going through. My family isn't a good support system because we don't talk about our feelings there. I've tried counselors in the past but I havn't had much success. I really have been trying my best to take the steps of being a healthier, happier person by focusing on myself and going out, doing activities I like to do and even though some of that may help temporarily, the feeling is still there. I just feel like there has to be something wrong with me since I obviously havn't gotten over the grief of losing him and the relationship we shared and I have no clue what to do about it :/
Posts: 1 | From: Washington | Registered: Mar 2012
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Hey em, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time!
I think the best place to start is with me saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's not excessive to feel this sad for this long, plenty of people, myself included, have gone through similar things.
2 years is a long time to spend with someone and although the year since you broke up can feel like a long time there is a lot of healing to do, and it's possible you need this time.
Now you mentioned trying to become happier and healthier, which is great... but I also think that to be healthy and happy don't always go together, even if in the long run that isn't where we're trying to get to.
I feel like whatever amount of grief feels necessary for you can be part of a healthy process and slow improvement. So although it seems weird for me to ask you to allow yourself something that you can't stop yourself from doing anyway, I really think allowing yourself to feel these emotions is important. You don't need to feel happy all the time!
I think you're making some good steps in focussing on yourself, or doing fun activities, and no matter how temporarily you're enjoying things, that's great! You're not going to be instantly happy forever with a click of a finger.
I wouldn't view these things as a failure, you really do seem to have a very good clue of where you're going with this, it's just important to have reasonable expectations and take little baby steps. Feel good that you enjoyed yourself for a couple of hours, rather than bad that it didn't last. That is ok.
The other important part of keeping active (well done for that) is that it can also allow you to meet more people and broaden your horizons a little, spending time with people more can really be a good buffer for the period of time when you're processing these emotions.
How old are you and he? May be he is not just ready to take the responsibility? 2 years past and he understands that it was time to make some decisions over the future. But he wasn't ready for it.
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