Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Confused

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Confused
em1811
Neophyte
Member # 95315

Icon 1 posted      Profile for em1811     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So, my ex and I broke up almost a year ago after almost two years of dating and four months ago he decided that it would be best for both of us if we didn't talk to each other for a while. We never really fought, he decided to end things because we wanted different things in life. So It's just been realy hard for me to deal with all of this because he was my first and only love and my bestfriend. I've dated other a few men but none of them would make me feel the way that he did. I've forced myself to hangout with tons of people to keep my mind off him but nothing works. I think about him everyday, when he's thinking of his new girlfriend. I feel like I don't have anyone else to talk to about this because it seems like nobody really knows what I'm going through. My family isn't a good support system because we don't talk about our feelings there. I've tried counselors in the past but I havn't had much success. I really have been trying my best to take the steps of being a healthier, happier person by focusing on myself and going out, doing activities I like to do and even though some of that may help temporarily, the feeling is still there. I just feel like there has to be something wrong with me since I obviously havn't gotten over the grief of losing him and the relationship we shared and I have no clue what to do about it :/
Posts: 1 | From: Washington | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey em, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time!

I think the best place to start is with me saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's not excessive to feel this sad for this long, plenty of people, myself included, have gone through similar things.

2 years is a long time to spend with someone and although the year since you broke up can feel like a long time there is a lot of healing to do, and it's possible you need this time.

Now you mentioned trying to become happier and healthier, which is great... but I also think that to be healthy and happy don't always go together, even if in the long run that isn't where we're trying to get to.

I feel like whatever amount of grief feels necessary for you can be part of a healthy process and slow improvement. So although it seems weird for me to ask you to allow yourself something that you can't stop yourself from doing anyway, I really think allowing yourself to feel these emotions is important. You don't need to feel happy all the time!

I think you're making some good steps in focussing on yourself, or doing fun activities, and no matter how temporarily you're enjoying things, that's great! You're not going to be instantly happy forever with a click of a finger.

I wouldn't view these things as a failure, you really do seem to have a very good clue of where you're going with this, it's just important to have reasonable expectations and take little baby steps. Feel good that you enjoyed yourself for a couple of hours, rather than bad that it didn't last. That is ok.

The other important part of keeping active (well done for that) is that it can also allow you to meet more people and broaden your horizons a little, spending time with people more can really be a good buffer for the period of time when you're processing these emotions.

Good luck em!

Posts: 603 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
J-Jank
Neophyte
Member # 95590

Icon 1 posted      Profile for J-Jank     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How old are you and he? May be he is not just ready to take the responsibility? 2 years past and he understands that it was time to make some decisions over the future. But he wasn't ready for it.

--------------------
app development

Posts: 1 | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3