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Author Topic: In love with my best friend!
sleepinglessons
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Member # 90287

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Ok, so, I have a really big problem at the moment. I am in love with one of my best friends, and have been for the past couple of months. We’re both girls which makes it more difficult – we've hinted to each other that we're into girls but never come out or anything. Honestly I can't really distinguish what's just friendship and what's more between us anymore; I guess we've become to tangled up in each other in such an unhealthy way that it's making me crazy. But I have to say, and it's not just wishful thinking, I feel like there's always been something different about our friendship - we spend a lot of time together away from everyone else at school (but never hang out outside of school - weird), we talk non-stop outside of school by text/facebook/whatever but are quieter with each other at school, but still seem to have this connection (but this is all my perspective! Maybe she doesn't feel this way at all!), we flirt quite a lot (but girls are so naturally flirty!!! So this is hard to tell if it's serious or not). We’ve had open conversations about homophobia and how much we hate it, and conversations about same-sex (female) couples we ship on TV shows, and other things relating to homosexuality, but neither of us have ever been like “I’m attracted to this girl” or “I’m bi” or whatever. I mean, she did once say “Maybe I’m gay” but we’ve never talked about it since, and I don’t know how serious she was. And I wouldn't ever talk about gay stuff with someone unless I was trying to hint something, or unless I was interested in gay stuff, you know? So the fact that we talk about it so much seems a bit odd.
Also, other things that lead me to believe she feels the same way: I have a really strong suspicion that she sent me an anonymous valentine's day card. I can't think who else it would be and when I told her about it she kept repeating how it definitely wasn't her, but then she repeated this line that was in the card several times, and when I was like "oh that was in my valentine's day card!" she didn't respond, and ugh I don't know. I know it all sounds lame and I'm talking about all this small stuff but the small stuff is all I really have to go on.
Also, the way we just...look at each other is so different than the eye contact and stuff I share with anyone else. Of course, she might not feel that way at all and it's just me taking it that way because I'm in love with her. But we always stare at each other a bit too long and make intense eye contact, and smile at each other in a really flirty way (but girls do this in general!). Once, when I was with her and two other girls, and one of them was talking about liking your friend, we both gave advice to this girl, and the advice we were giving was to do with liking your friend and not knowing what to do. And we were looking at each other whilst giving the advice, I remember being like "Well you're probably scared of losing the friendship" and then she looked at me and she was like "Well that friendship probably isn't worth saving then" and it felt like we were almost confessing the way we felt to each other through giving advice to this girl. And then when this girl was continuing to tell us about this problem, we suddenly looked at each other and smiled in a knowing/flirty way. Idk. Maybe it meant nothing. It was odd.
Sometimes she'll say things to me like "You're the only person I want to be with" or "I know you better than you know yourself" or "I'm your soulmate" in kind of a jokey, but knowing way, when we're with other people but then glances at me in a knowing way - so I can't figure out if she's serious and trying to tell me how she feels indirectly.
In terms of our friendship, we (well, until this week, which I'll get onto later), talk non-stop all day everyday by text/facebook/whatever. We've skyped until like 2 in the morning and sometimes it's felt romantic, but I really don't know. And I can't tell if our flirting is serious or not, but sometimes I've really really felt like it is. We've told each other how much we mean to each other, and it's just a super-close friendship, but definitely also one that I recognise as not always being healthy; we, or at least I, am really emotionally dependent on this friendship and I guess that's not always good for us.
There have been complications along the way, like her telling me about guys and me telling her about guys but honestly I get the vibe that she's a lesbian (tumblr - what she posts - and I have awesome gaydar) and I know for a fact that I tell her about guys just to throw her off, but I don't know if she does that to me to throw me off.
Right now, I feel like our friendship has taken a turn for the...weird. For the past week we've been texting each other less and less and that actually has made a big difference in a friendship like ours where it basically relies on this non-stop texting. But I guess I'd been feeling for a couple of weeks that suddenly the "fun" had gone out of our texting and we were basically just telling each other what we were doing at each moment and it felt like more of a chore than actually having a fun time texting each other. I guess we got too absorbed in each other. But I also feel like within the past week she's begun to be a bit distant from me. Since I am so emotionally dependent on her this has become huge for me. I know this sounds insignificant and ridiculous but in a very tight, unhealthily tight friendship like ours it makes a difference.
I feel like: she felt this way about me before I really realised how I felt about her, thought I didn't feel the same way and is now trying to distance herself from me in order to get over me OR she wants to distance herself from me for another reason OR she just doesn't feel the same way and never did and all these signals I've taken to mean that she does are wrong (they could be - girls are hard to read man).
SOOOO, I know this has been a painfully long post but my question is, what do I do now? I want to know why she's been so distant but don't want to make a big deal out of it. I kind of feel like we both feel the same way about each other and that's what's been causing the slight awkwardness and distance, so we need to just tell each other, but then what if she DOESN'T feel the same way? What do I doooooo?
Thank you in advance if you've actually read all of this. I'm aware that it was disgustingly long and I'm sorry. But thank you!!!

[ 03-29-2012, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: sleepinglessons ]

Posts: 6 | From: London | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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You know, trying to read someone's behavior to find clues for their feelings about you is pretty much always going to lead to frustration.

As hard as that can sometimes be, the best way to find out how someone feels is to ask them.

So, it sounds like it's decision time: you can either decide that you would rather continue this friendship as-is than risk it by being honest, or you can decide that you would rather know what's up than keep guessing, and talk to her honestly.

And you know, a strong, solid friendship won't necessarily break apart over something like this. So even if she does not feel the same, there is a good chance that you can work it out.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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sleepinglessons
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Member # 90287

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Thank you, that's good advice, I know I kind of need to make a decision now. But it just feels weird since we've been distant for a couple of days so I guess I'll see how the friendship goes.
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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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The fact that you've been a little distant might actually be a great starter for a serious conversation. You can start by saying something like, "I don't know about you, but I feel that recently we haven't been in touch as much as usually, and I feel that, on my part, this has actually been because I've been thinking about a lot of things concerning our friendship, and I would really appreciate it if we could have a conversation about that".

I hope it goes well, and I have my fingers crossed for you!

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sleepinglessons
Neophyte
Member # 90287

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Thank you, I think I will
Posts: 6 | From: London | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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