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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to handle this situation?

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Author Topic: How to handle this situation?
Member # 47511

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I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. We've been going out fot 2 years now. He's everthing I wanted in a guy. He truly is perfect. I tell him everything, there is no secrets between us, and we discuss everything together, and decide things together. I've never had a problem with that... We are the most amazing friends.
I DID have a very close friend that I've known since 6th grade,Fera, and now I'm about to be a jr in high school. We haven't spoken to eahother ever since I started dating my boyfriend. I have missed her soooo much. I wouldn't give up my boyfriend for anyone though...
How it all started was I was about to be a freshman in high school, along with my friends Ani and Feta. Fera and I were best friends since 6th grade, as a mentuned before, we met Ani in Jr. High in 8th grade, we became the 3 best friends. We were all excited about freshman homecoming and Ani needed a date, because she isn't the type where she has the confience you could say to talk to a guy, or flirt.
One day I was with Fera at her house, Ani wasn't there. It strted to rain so we went outside in the rain just jumping around in the water being silly. As we were playing I noticed her naighber-the neighbor I have been having a secret crush on for ever. He didn't even know my name that well, but I knew his, Mike. I have been trying for months to probably get his attention, I have tried talking to him, but I felt like he didn't seem interested in me. I didn't get that positive feedback that I was hoping for.-anyway, back to the story. Me and Fera were sitting and I thought, Hey if he doesn't like me, maybe I can hook him up with Ani, she needs a date!
For once we started talking and I convinced him he should meet Ani. Now, Fera, Ani, Mike and I all went to the same school. So anyway, Mike and Ani met and what do you know, they liked eachother! They went out, after a month in their relationship Mike told me that Ani hasn't been a good girlfriend. He wants to hang out with her, she doesn't, he noticed she was kind of a bicth to him after a while, she started not to like him anymore. Homecoming was only 2 months away at the time.
Mike had his best friend over there a lot, Deen. I thought they were really cool people, so since we all kind of became pretty close friends, Mike, Deen and I we started to hang out. While I felt like Fera and Ani were kind of ignoring me...
I started to hang out with Mike and Deen that I didn't realize how mad I was making Ani for hanging out with her boyfriend so much. One day me Deen, Mike and his other friend Tony were all hanging out at Mike's house. We had like a little party, I ended up sleeping over at Mike's house with all of them. Nothing really happend. By the middle of the night Toni and Deen left, and it was just me and Mike, I was still crushing on him and I regreted hooking him up with Ali... But, I didn't touch him, nor kiss him, NOTHING. we watched movies all night. Ani knew I slept over there, thinking I was trying to hook up with Deen, so she didn't mind I was with her boyfriend.
After that sleepover me and Mike became so close! We started to hang out with eachother so much, we really had a connection. After all the teasing and hanging out with eachother we ended up kissing... Ani didn't know about this. One day I was on Myspace and I hacked Fera's account and from curiocity I looked trough her messages. They were all about me, they called me a whore, a bitch all kinds of things. i confronted them about it, they said "they dont know what I'm talking about".
We all started fighting, and one week before homecomming Ani broke up with Mike, he told her what we did. For some reason Fera took Ani's side, even though she was my friend way before we met Ani! I was super devistated that I lost my friend Fera, I loved her more that Ani. All I had for a friend after that was Mike, and he was with me through all the fighting that went beween us 3 girls. They texted me everyday what a whore I am, how he would leave me after a week, all this horrible things. They were bullying me alot. It didn't get to me, all the name calling because I knew it was jealousy talking and anger. They made me cry a lot sometimes.
As full of drama as we girls are, the name callings stopped after a few weeks when our parents got involved. We didn't speek to eachother for 2 years... By that time Mike and I's relationship got so strong. We love eachother so much now, we're unceprable.
A week ago.. I couldn't believe it, Fera said she is sorry. I excepted her apology, because all the anger over the 2 years died out and I really didn't care that much. We started talking and she apologized to Mike for being a bicth to him before.
My problem here is that Mike won't forgive her, he doesn't want me to do anything with her, talk hang out, talk on the phone, NOTHING. He is stuck in the past on how they treated me. I forgot to mentune that Mike got in a fight with Fera's boyfriend like 4 years ago over something stupid, he feels like her group of guy friends is harrasing him, he isn't treathend, he's okay because he called they cops on them and they cant have any contact with eacother anymore.
So that ADDS on to why he wont let me hang out with Fera, because of her friends. He hates all of that click.
But inside I miss her sooo much... I forgive her about the things she said, I think we've both matured over the years, and everyone deserves a second chance. I said mean things to her too! I said sorry too. I miss hanging out with her, all the good memories we've had, the fun times. I texted her pretty much because Mike made me to, that I don't want us to be close again, or hang out. That we're just "cool" and were not gonna feel aqkward when we see eachother in the classrooms. Ani stopped talking to Fera because she has a new boyfriend now and is ignoring her now and their not talking asmuch as they used too. They're not best friends anymore. Maybe here Mike was right, that Fera is apologizing just because Ani doesnt talk to her anymore, I dont know. The point is I miss her so much, I wish we could hang out again. Mike and I get in arguments every time I show that I'm sad about her, he tells me all the things we said and did to eachother to talk me out of feeling bad. I dont know how to convince him that we've made up, I just want to be friends with her again, i dont want him mad everytime he sees or hears me that ive been talking to her. He doesnt want anything to do with her.
People have told me that he should get over it, but how can I tell him that she's changed, she wont be mean anymore. He hates how "ghetto" she is. He hates everything about her. But she was my best friend, and I miss her... What should I do? Mike is a really smart guy, I don't know what to tell him, everytime I say something he has an argument about it. I hate fighting with him but i cant help they way I feel... He just graduated from high school and I have one year left of school, I dont want to lie to him and say i havent talked to her today in school, I've had to lie a little so he wont get mad at me. I hate saying or skiping out details of what i did at school today when he's not around anymore, i might lie who I sat at lunch with, he will get mad at me. Dont get me wrong, he is such a sweet person, he just doesnt like her, out of the whole school he hates those 2 people, Ani and Fera, I dont care about Ani I just want fera back... I feel guilty for feelig like this, and Mike knows I miss her, he just thinks he knows what hes saying, that it would be best if im not friends with her... How can I let him change his mind? I need some realllyyyyy good advise

Thank you sooo much!

Posts: 19 | From: America | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 95710

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I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. Friendships can be very tough and taxing - especially female friendships. They can get quite hostile! I can't believe that they would bully you over texts for weeks! That's just so catty. But you extended mercy and forgave them; which shows true character. Regardless of whether or not Fera was being truthful in her being sorry, I understand how you feel that you want to be friends with her again.

I can certainly understand the pressure guys can have on you to be a certain way or to do certain things (I often struggle with this); but I don't think it's Mike's decision on whom you should hang out with (unless they're dangerous or are somehow posing a viable threat to you). Maybe you could try and get the three of you to hang out (does Fera feel okay with Mike now?); and see what happens. Maybe try and do it at a public place (not just so emotional outbursts are less likely to happen in public); but because it would be a mutual location and no one would feel threatened.

Try to tell Mike that you forgive her; that two years have passed and you want to try and give her a second chance. If he does argue with you and/or yell, try answering him in a calm and rational way - that might get the arguing to stop. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings - they're yours, and no one can take them away from you or tell you that what you're feeling is wrong. Try talking to Mike in a calm and friendly way and see what happens.

Have you tried talking to your parents about this? It might help to make a list of the pros and cons of talking to Mike about having Fera in your life again. It might be dangerous (as far as the fact that an argument might arise from discussing this situation again with him) to bring it up to him; but it doesn't seem like Fera is a bad person, and Mike might learn to forgive her or at least tolerate her being in your life if he can see that she has matured (as you all have since two years ago).

Good luck; and let us know what happens!

"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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