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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Excessive fear of getting over my boyfriend, please help!

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Author Topic: Excessive fear of getting over my boyfriend, please help!
NancyC
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Member # 94601

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Hello so this is my first long term/serious relationship and I can honestly say it is the first time that I have been in love. Just a couple of months ago, I realized that he and I were over the honeymoon stage and that bummed me out a whole lot in the beginning because I didn't know what it was so I thought I was getting over him. I love him very much and I honestly would love to be with him forever. Ever since we got out of that whole honeymoon stage i've gotten the sense that i'm the only one who has gotten over it. I'm not usually a very expressive person when it comes to my emotions for I never even express them to my family but I always thought that being in a relationship would be different. While I'm always constantly wanting to hug and kiss him and let him know I care, I find that telling him i love him doesnt come as often as it did before. So my questions are: is this normal? is it possible for one person to get over the honeymoon stage before the other? is that healthy for the relationship? Sometimes i find myself worrying a lot and it leads me to realize that it could end one day even if I dont want it to. Thank you for your advice!
Posts: 6 | From: chula vista | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pearlish
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Member # 94443

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Hi NancyC!

I think I might have experienced some of the same feelings you're talking about. When you're officially with someone it's harder to know what you're feeling, since the other person's feelings and both of your expectations kind of carry you along sometimes, or you suspect that might be happening even when it's not.

And it is scary to think about one day letting go of a relationship with someone who's really important to you now, but I suppose we have to accept that our feelings could change and so could the other person's. Just enjoy it in the moment, and know that whatever decisions you make later on will be the best ones for you at the time, I suppose! If you do stay together for ages and ages, that's great. If you don't, you'll be able to do other great stuff, and the experience of having had a lovely happy relationship will stand to you - it won't be wasted!

As for your questions, I'm not an expert, but I'd say it's certainly normal. Of course it's possible for one person to get past that first rush of intense feelings and into the next stage before the other person. It's normal and possible for this to make them want to end the relationship, and normal and possible for the next stage to be just as wonderful and worth it to them, in a different way. There's nothing unhealthy about it, I'm pretty sure [Smile] . And it's certainly normal to go through phases in how demonstratively affectionate you want to be, either physically or verbally - I have that happen with family and friends as well as partners!

If anyone has more experienced or exact advice, please give it! I just thought I'd give it a try [Smile] .

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NancyC
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Member # 94601

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Oh yes, you're absolutely correct. I just need someone else to remind me sometimes. I feel like I'm the only one going through this when in reality there's so many people who are as well.
If you wanted to read, I got some help from Heather on this thread which helped me so so much as well.
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/011535.html

Thank you for contributing [Big Grin]

Posts: 6 | From: chula vista | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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