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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » words for sex etc in relationships

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Author Topic: words for sex etc in relationships
Pearlish
Neophyte
Member # 94443

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Firstly, I'm a new user so if this is in the wrong place, I apologise!

I was wondering, what do those of you in physical relationships call being intimate with your partners - when you're talking to your partners? Do you ever refer to 'sex' when you mean a range of things that might not include sex? Or do you use euphemisms or in-jokes?

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Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

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Hi, Pearlish, and welcome to the Scarleteen community!

I'm wondering if you've seen this article: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/whats_sex
which talks about what Scarleteen might consider sex. I'm not sure if you're asking out of general interest or because you're not quite sure of how to talk about something in your own life. As you can see from the article, "sex" can be a very broad concept, and something that's different for different people, so I can't even be sure of what you mean by "a range of things that might not include sex". My personal response to that would range from, if the asker meant only penis-in-vagina intercourse, "um, but lots of other things Are sex!" to, if the asker had the broadest concept of sex, "um, but only things that are sexual are sex..."

If you're asking in order to get some guidance, then this article might be helpful to you: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner

If you're up to speed with those articles but still have questions, go right ahead and ask. Or if you're hoping for a discussion, then go right ahead and see if anyone feels like taking you up on it. You might need to be a little clearer about what You mean by "sex", though! [Smile]

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Pearlish
Neophyte
Member # 94443

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Thank you Redskies!

I have read those articles, but not for a while, and I had forgotten quite how broad the Scarleteen definition of sex was - I was thinking of it as touch that involved arousal and probably the genitals in some way. I certainly don't mean just penis/vagina intercourse.
I do still think though, that it's possible to be physically intimate with a partner in a way that doesn't always feel sexual to anyone. Is this something only some people experience?

And thank you for checking - I'm not in need of guidance myself just now, I was just asking a discussion question which people might choose to answer [Smile] .

So to rephrase in case it was unclear (and in case anyone is interested) - what words do you use with your partners when you're talking about sex - in the broadest definition? Or, if you do intimate things with a romantic partner that don't feel sexual to you, how do you refer to that, when talking to the partner? [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, with a partner or not, just because touch or our bodies CAN be sexual doesn't mean they always are. Just like, say, we can hold hands with someone and have that be very sexual, but also have it be utterly platonic.

So, by no means do things being able to be sex or sexual mean they must be or always are, no matter what the situation is. [Smile]

Per your question, as a chickie with greying hair and a very diversely lived life, I might be the wrong one to answer here, but there are so many different words myself and partners have used for all kinds of sex -- and all kinds of not-sex -- I wouldn't even know where to get started! That said, unless I've been trying to be funny or silly, euphemisms usually aren't my bag. I think it's safe to say that if any language could make me NOT feel like being sexual, it would be words or the avoidance of words that made it clear someone didn't feel comfortable being real about what they wanted to do sexually.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Mind, I also tend to be extraordinarily daft with euphemisms, too. Once, on one of the worst dates of my whole life -- really, this story is just the tip of that bad-date iceberg -- some dude started telling me about how some woman had given him a hummer during work. I thought that not only was a creepily large, miltaristic SUV just a crappy thing in the world, period, but it was also a hell of a thing to just give someone. As I started saying these thoughts out loud, I realized that was not what this guy was talking about at all. Would that it had been.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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