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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Red Flags or Just Me?

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Author Topic: Red Flags or Just Me?
Alergnon
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I'm in a really great relationship just this may sound outta sort and messed up so bare with me, please. I don't want to be judged at all or told what I should and shouldn't do, I just need advice and guidance, if possible.

One issue I want to address is I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2-3 weeks now and things are great, don't get me wrong, it's just a bit weird. Well, we had intercourse and that. Well, the condom broke, what a surprise that was. Well, thing is he keeps asking me if he is good enough like sex and what he looks like, etc., and I tell him he is fine and he is perfect the way he is. He feels he is lacking sex, like he isn't good enough like my other partners. I tell him he is better, he is.

Second issue is, he lost his VCard to me (his virginity) and he is now in love with me. I don't want to sound weird but I'm not sure if I'm at the same level as he is right now with love. I like him a lot just I want to know him better.

Third issue is, he was worried and happy that I may be pregnant. Don't know yet. Well, he says it will make him happy like he wants my child and babies. I don't find it weird at all for him saying that to me. What I find weird is him wanting to start a family with me this early in my relationship with him, our relationship.

Fifth issue is, I asked him a question if he was trying to get me pregnant and he said yes. Well, he is allergic to condoms and I said fine we use spermicide and my birth control. He said okay. Then he proposes to me asking me if we can have completely unprotected sex. I had asked why. He then told me he wants to inpergnantant me.

Sixth issue is, he wants to marry me and have my babies like I said before, and such.

Okay to put this in a more understanding... of how I'm feeling about all of this. 1) I'm unsure if I am pregnant. 2) If people found out I "tried" for a baby I think my Church would go all weird and such 3) If this got out I would be so lost and confused. 4) I want a baby 5) I don't know how to handle this all.

The truth is I want the unprotected sex with my boyfriend and I want to get pregnant.

He is 21. I am 18. I'm in my last year of high school.

Please after reading this don't think I'm betraying anyone or the possible baby.

Posts: 517 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Hey Alergnon,

Since all of this is already being discussed on this thread , do you think that you could keep talking about it on there? This stuff seems to be pretty inter-related, and it's a lot easier for people to give you sound advice when they have the whole picture, as in having all of this located on one thread.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 860 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alergnon
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What do you mean exactly? It's on one thread,I have another thread about a condom breaking. Sorry that I'm not understanding.
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skiesofgreen
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Also to start with this, why don't you take a look at this article:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/i_want_it_now

Posts: 243 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
skiesofgreen
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I believe moonlight was linking you back to the thread we were most recently talking to you in (Pregnancy or No Pregnancy) because this post is very much related to what we were discussing there and having all the information in one place makes it easier for us to give you sound advice. Would you be comfortable moving back over there to continue this conversation?
Posts: 243 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alergnon
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Okay, I read most of all of it. Now, I'm still confused about something how is this "inter-related" like what do you mean by this?

Look I don't have this magic wand that is telling me these things I was looking for guidance and help and yes that article was guidance but I don't understand reading something that tells me all about babies, kids to growing up to be adults and then telling me about money issues? One thing it's different in Canada than it is in the U.S about money and how the health system works. So honestly that part doesn't apply to me at all. I get what it's saying about money issues and what not that it costs money to raise a child. I know this already.

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Alergnon
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Okay I'll go to the other thread I'll re-post the first thread of this thread... I hope it's okay to re-post it again?
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moonlight bouncing off water
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Yep, I think it'd be okay to re-post it there so that all of the info is in one place. And skiesofgreen is right, I just mean that since people have started giving advice to you about some of this on another thread, it is probably easier to keep talking about it on there, so people can give the most applicable advice [Smile]

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 860 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I'd missed this post myself, and in light of everything going on -- particularly you disclosing this person has engaged in reproductive coercion with you -- I think it's very important to address some things here.

The red flags? NOT just you. Someone putting the kind of things out here to you within just a couple of weeks who has anything close to the maturity to know that those things aren't minor is absolutely showing you possible signs of someone abusive or controlling.

(Also? I think we can be very sure his refusal to use condoms isn't about an allergy. For one, not all condoms are latex: he could use other condoms. Two, he's made clear to you he's trying to get you pregnant. It seems to me that his manipulation here is very transparent.)

Too, I hear you in another thread considering continuing a possible pregnancy, if that happens, with this person. Doing that in so short a time of dating them brings up some concerns for me not just about him, but about you. Deciding to bring a kid into the world or not is a huge choice, and one where, ideally, we think long and hard about the impact of that on our lives and the life of a possible kid. Seeing someone like this, if you are, as someone sound to go there with, not just so soon, but with so many red flags, concerns me.

I'm also concerned that someone you barely know trying to create a pregnancy -- including without your consent -- and saying they want "your babies" this early doesn't strike you as strange or off.

(Just a PS on that link shared with you: it wasn't all about money. But even for the parts that are? raising a kind in Canada without money really isn't that different that doing it in the states or anywhere else. Kids cost the big bucks everywhere. And raising kids requires a whole lot more than money. Even just a parent having good judgment about other people they include in their kids life is one huge basic need, for instance. A parent having their own life together in basic ways is another: I think we can agree it's pretty clear you've been having some serious ongoing issues with unhealthy or very risky choices and relationships, issues you're going to need to work out for your own life, but which a kid REALLY needs their parent to have worked out.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67158 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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