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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » getting 'good' and 'nothing goin on' erections

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Author Topic: getting 'good' and 'nothing goin on' erections
illyan
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Member # 80519

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I can't get turned on all the way during sex. Me and my Girlfriend have been sexually active for months now and i didn't really notice because i attributed it mostly to inexperience, But i don't think iv'e had nearly or even half as much pleasure as i do masturbating.
When i masturbate i usually wait until i get turned on, and then my penis get's really hard. So hard you can tap your're finger on it and it feels like wood. It responds like crazy to even light touch.
In sex, it's never gotten close to this level. It gets just barely hard enough to penetrate at most. It really doesn't feel like much. This last time we had sex i felt almost nothing. It feels like the unwanted erections you get in middle
It's important to note that i used to use porn every time i masturbated. Either waiting awhile or looking at porn gets me one of the good erections, but nothing else does. Do you think going a long time without masturbating (i still occasionaly do) could help?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You say you used to use porn with masturbation: you don't anymore? If so, do you find that with masturbation, things have changed or are pretty much the same?

Also, how is this relationship? Good? Do you feel good in it? Is this also someone you feel pretty strongly attracted to, and who feels like they turn you on in your head, even if your penis isn't responding?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
illyan
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I don't masturbate much anymore, and when i do it's sometimes with porn and sometimes not. I don't feel like my sex drive is gone, but i feel alot like it's been trained to only get activate din very specific situations. There are only 2 ways i get the erections that feel good. When i haven't done anything in awhile i get them alone in bed. Or i get them with porn. It's frustrating to not have a sex drive for being with my girlfriend.
The relationship is very cool because neither of us had unrealistic expectations for it, and we are both fun people. We are well suited to each other. I feel like i can talk to her, but i recently went through a time when i felt like i couldn't talk to anyone, and though it sounds silly, i hold stuff back out of pure reflex sometimes. I wish i had stuck up for my own pleasure sooner. Now we have a normal thing going and i feel like i'm springing a surprise by saying it's not going well for me.
I didn't think i had to pick one of the girls i fantasized about for sex to be good. I hadn't thought about her that way before we started dating. But, she definitely isn't a turnoff, physically. Lately, i don't feel like anyone or anything turns me on in my head unless iv'e gone a week or more without doing anything, and even then not on demand, but just randomly. Except porn. that's whats really frustrating. Porn can give me a really satisfying erection almost anytime. I hope it's just a matter of retraining myself to get that same arousal from a sexual situation.
Thanks Heather

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, am I understanding that you find you're not feeling strong desire with this girlfriend? In other words, this isn't just about not getting an erection, but about not feeling strong feelings of sexual desire in the first place.

I'm also hearing you say this girl doesn't turn you off, but has she ever really turned you on? Am I also hearing you right in saying that you've never really had satisfying sexual experiences with this person but have never said anything about it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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illyan
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I guess it's important to note that me and this girl both had our first time with each other a couple months ago. When i say first time i mean the first time doing more than kissing, for both of us. That's why at first i thought it was inexperience.
I guess it depends how you define sexual desire. I really, really want to have good sex with her. I find her really physically attractive, and i love her way in bed. My heart, my soul and my brain are in it; it's only my crotch that isn't getting the butterflies.
the sexual experiences have been awesome. We do a lot of stuff besides intercourse, and i really enjoy the intimate time with her even if we aren't having sex. It's only the vaginal intercourse that's been bland, and yes, i do feel that iv'e held back that information and it's a problem.
I've had a satisfying erection two times. And it was so different she noticed.

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Heather
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Gotcha.

So, while it might be totally coincidental, it might not be, so those two times: can you think of anything that was different about them than other times?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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illyan
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I can't remember what was different about the first time.
She is on the pill and we also use condoms. The other time was when we didn't have condoms and decided to rely on the pill that time.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Condoms, physically, usually help to maintain erections because of the light pressure they give around the base of the penis. So, physically, they're likely a non-o-issue here.

However, do you feel like psychologically that made anything different for you? For instance, might it have felt more exciting, risky, intimate....? Or, if you ever have any anxiety putting condoms on -- as a person might when erections are iffy -- do you think that time you ditched feeling that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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illyan
Neophyte
Member # 80519

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I know this thread has been quiet for awhile but i just thought id reply. I talked to my girlfriend and told her i wasn't feeling much from erections in bed. So this time we did plenty of foreplay until i felt i was ready, and it was much better.
I realize that means i pretty much worked it out myself, but iv'e noticed you guys get to know forum members on the site so i thought i'd not leave you hanging. [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm so glad you were able to talk about this with her and start exploring what DOES feel good for you and work for you. Hooray!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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