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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » negotiation

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Author Topic: negotiation
whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and lately we've started to have a lot of conversations about conflict in our relationships: different desires, things that we'd like the other one to do more or less often, general problems. We never have proper fights, but we do sit down often and say "this is a problem, how can we fix it?"

A past abusive relationship and an anxiety disorder have made it hard for me to talk about my problems, so in general I think this communication is a good thing. Sometimes, though, I'm overwhelmed by how often we have these conversations. A lot of them are me saying "____ is a problem in my life, and I just want to tell you about it," but we also have a few issues we've been trying to sort out for a while, and we need to keep having conversations to try to resolve them, especially as the situations change. He's always supportive and happy to discuss, but sometimes I feel like we have at least one conversation/week, and I wonder whether I should be worried about that.

Posts: 42 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SilverLining
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I think you can look at this from different perspectives.

From what I'm hearing, your happy that he's willing to contribute and that he does want to tell you about things that are bothering him about the relationship/ what's going on in his life in general right?

If you do feel overwhelmed with how often this is happening, have you ever communicated this with him? Like saying "Hey, can we talk about this a bit later?" or something like that?

I do think it's really good that both of you do communicate with each other. I also think that you should tell him when you DO feel overwhelmed by something like that. Just as much as it is important you both are communicating your ideas with each other, it's also important for you not to feel like thats ALL you're ever doing.

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SilverLining 2012

Posts: 97 | From: Lost along in the Caribbean... | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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Usually I broach the topic, which allows him to express how he feels. He isn't always particularly forthcoming with his emotions, which is something that he wants to work on.

It's definitely not all that we ever do, but I will tell him I'm overwhelmed. thanks!

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SilverLining
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Glad to help. [Smile]

Also, if you are telling him that you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment, make sure he understands that it doesn't mean that you want him to stop sharing his feelings with you.

[ 02-05-2012, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: SilverLining ]

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SilverLining 2012

Posts: 97 | From: Lost along in the Caribbean... | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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