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Author Topic: Does he need to know?
techie
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A very close male friend of mine recently admitted he has feelings for me. I told him how I honestly feel, which is that for me, I find him physically attractive, and we're good friends, but there's nothing fond/romantic there, so I'd never be able to be in a traditional relationship with him, because a traditional relationship is the only context within he'd want to be physical. So this isn't a case of I-like-someone-else-but-I'm-taken. Boyfriend aside, we both know it couldn't work between us.

Not-boyfriend aside, I have a boyfriend. I love him dearly. Considering that neither of us are choosing to act on our mutual physical attraction and his deeper feeling, there's no risk of infidelity here or anything.

Need I tell my boyfriend? I feel like if I didn't,it would be a lie of omission, but on the other hand, I can't really see where it would benefit him to know that one of my friends likes me, he knows I'm in a relationship and am not interested, and we will pursue it no further.

Is this the sort of thing I ought to tell or is it irrelevant?

Posts: 160 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
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Let's look at it this way -- What do you think the reaction from your boyfriend might be?

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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techie
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Actually, ignore this. I'll tell him, because I'll feel like I'm lying if I don't, and that -will- give me something to feel/act guilty about even when I'm being faithful and shouldn't feel that way.
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techie
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Oops, didn't see the reply. That was quick! It would probably "Oh dear, that -is- awkward." if I told him straight out, rather than "Honestly I find it a bit weird that you two are so close when you've known he likes you for a while?" if I waited/he found out/it came up later. If me and him were just acquaintances, I don't think it would merit mention, but we're very close friends, so it probably does. So I've told him. Thanks for your prompt help though [Smile]
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Alice
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Okay. :-)

What I was getting at here: I wanted to gauge what the reaction might be to kind of see if that is playing a part in you worrying about this.

That said, being in a relationship with someone does not mean that the rest of the world gets turned off, obviously. Other people might like you and want to be with you, you may find yourself being attracted to others, considering possibilities of relationships, etc. It's very natural, totally fine.

You do not have anything to feel guilty about here. Because you feel it's important, my opinion is that you should tell him about it. Assuming you've agreed to be monogamous, you're holding up your end of the commitment. If he gets really upset or begins acting possessive, just FYI, that'd be a red flag you may want to pay attention to.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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Alice
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(Just saw your other reply.) Cool - sounds good, and also sounds like a good opportunity to practice healthy communication skills! [Smile]

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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techie
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His reaction (among regrets that it'll be awkward between me and the friend) was just to joke around. No red flags. All good stuff =D Thanks for the advice [Smile]
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Alice
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Cool. Good job. And you're very welcome.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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