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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » to wait or not to wait! that is the question? (feeling conflicted about sex)

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Author Topic: to wait or not to wait! that is the question? (feeling conflicted about sex)
Member # 93814

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I hope I'm posting this in the right category.... :-/

I feel rather stupid about this entire situation that I've put myself in. It's not even that big of a deal. I'm just looking for opinions really. What would you do? What do you think I should do? That sort of thing.

Anyways, I'm going to England this June to stay with my English friend for a few weeks. We've never met in person (he's no creepy dude, I swear!), but we've been talking via skype for a few years now. He's ultimately the most perfect guy I've ever come across and my best friend. We're so very alike. We finally got around to confessing our feelings for each other, but here's the beginning of the issue: He's afraid to be flirtatious with me because he thinks it could ruin our friendship. It happened before to him with a girl he dated who lived a distance away from him. Things went sour between them. We both know that there's no use in trying the long-distance thing. So we decided to talk about it more a few weeks before my flight date. I want him to know that I'm not his old girlfriend. I'm a complete different person with totally different views on the situation. I think I'll be able to convince him that best friends can love each other and still be friends, but he's a worrisome person.

This is just part of my problem. I'm in my second semester of college and suddenly I've gone a bit boy crazy. I guess it's because all the guys are so attractive and that was pretty rare in my high school. I've never had a serious relationship by the way. Mainly because I'm very picky and I was rather "bitchy" in high school b/c of frustration, but that's a whole other story. So now I'm seeing all these new opportunities with this fresh start and I'm getting a little too excited. I don't really know why I'm so excited because I've become very anti-social and shy recently and have a lot of trouble with talking to guys and people of my age group in general. How do you get a guy if you can't find the guts to talk to him? It's even more frustrating when your long time friend who you go to college with has already traded numbers with a guy. I don't know how she does it because she has a rather dry feeling about her and has a big ego (still a good friend though. don't get me wrong), but somehow she can conform to other peoples' personalities and make friends with everyone. She's the ultimate "social butterfly". Getting texts from her saying all these great things about her guy makes me pretty jealous.

Jeez, I babble a lot. Sorry about that. ^_^'

So for once I'm actually interested in sex, but not dating. I'd like to try the whole friends-with-benefits thing (in a ummm non-slutty way I guess). Problem is that I want English Boy to be the first guy I have sex with.

I could just try to succeed in attracting a guy and then say I'm holding off on the sex, but I'm pretty sure most guys don't want to heat that.

So there's my problem. How exactly am I going to hold off until June? Especially when I don't have anything close to a guarantee that me and Mr. England will actually have sex. Or do anything for that matter!

So many thanks to anyone with the patience to read and respond to this! [Big Grin]

Posts: 1 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I think you're putting the cart before the horse a little here.

While it's perfectly possible to form deep friendships online, it's nigh on impossible to predict whether there will be any sexual chemistry. That's something that you can only feel, or not, when you meet in person. So any conversations now about whether or not to have sex are really premature, since you can't even know yet whether you will want to have sex.

So, my suggestion here would be that you go to visit your friend with an expectation of, well, friendship. Give yourselves the time to get to know each other in person, to see how you interact in person, and then take it from there.

I also want to make sure that you are taking all of the necessary precautions for meeting online-friends. Have you told friends and/or family where you are going? Do they have your English friend's address and phone number? Are you making sure to meet your friend in a public place, first? Have you made arrangements to stay in a hotel or hostel, so you are not making yourself dependent on him for shelter? Do you have the means to, if need be, leave early?

I know all of that seems excessive. And it likely (hopefully!) will be. But even though most people on the internet are people like you and me who are not being deceptive, there are some bad apples out there and it's only the smart and responsible thing to do to prepare for that possibility.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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