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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » too far too fast/in over my head

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Author Topic: too far too fast/in over my head
Katastrophe-k
Neophyte
Member # 83288

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so its been about 9 months since I got together with my current partner, and the relationship is pretty unique. There are multiple people involved, male and female, of various ages, all under the "control" (for lack of a better word) of Michael. He's a decent enough guy, and most of the others are ok, though there seems to be little cliques that are against one another. Michael (and every one else) are all very experimental sexually so I've been introduced to alot very very quickly and my mind has been struggling to keep up. I feel like he's pushing me too far too fast, a couple weeks ago I had a breakdown after going through chemical bondage which was something that I was having second thoughts about but did anyway to keep him happy.
I feel like I cant leave because there are so many things wrong with me that no one else would have me, and there is still an element of curiosity about what he could show me next. I'm also scared that my mind cant handle this anymore. I dont like feeling like I'm just one of a set of girls. All in all I dont know what to do

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarleteen, katastrophe.

This may be tough for you to hear, but I really don't think that this relationship sounds like a healthy one at all. While it's perfectly possible for kinky/BDSM/poly relationships to be healthy and mutually beneficial, that only works when everyone involved is on the same page, communicating effectively, and taking care not to do things that the other person isn't 100% okay with.

And it sounds to me like, in the relationship that you're in, a lot has gone on that you weren't ready for or comfortable with, without any discussion about whether it was okay for you.

I'm particularly concerned to hear that he pushed you to engage in chemical bondage with him. That's a pretty iffy concept: even if you agree to it beforehand, it's hard to say a safeword if you are drunk or high. That's not to say that this activity is always a bad idea, it just means that it's very advanced stuff, and not something that it's wise to get into when you're so new to kink.

The fact that he pushed you into such a risky scene even though you were reluctant shows that he isn't very respectful of you or your limits. A huge, huge part of engaging in BDSM safely is always making sure that everyone is 100% comfortable with what's going on, and that everyone is careful of everyone else's boundaries.

Another alarm signal is that you feel that no one would want to be with you: when our self-esteem is that low, it can often be difficult to make safe, healthy choices for ourselves. And in that case, it's usually better to take a step back from romantic and/or sexual relationships and work on your own happiness and well-being, first.

I'll be frank: it sounds like the relationship you are in is, at the very least, unhealthy. I'd even say that it's abusive. For that reason, I would really encourage you to consider your options in terms of leaving this partner.

How do you feel about that? Do you think that's something you can do? Can we help you with this in any way?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Hi katastrophe, I just wanted to check in with you. How are you doing? Is there anything that we can do for you?

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Katastrophe-k
Neophyte
Member # 83288

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I'm doing ok, just decided to become invisible for a few days because some of the girls at my school are impossible for me to deal with. I dont know that there is anything that any one can do for me. Either I manage to leave, or just deal with the relationship and shut up about it. I'm kinda scared to leave him because I'm scared to be alone and I dont know how he would react to that information. I dont think he is the most stable person... and I'm concerned that the next guy might be worse. I have a habit of going from bad guy to worse guy every time
Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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