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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Friends or Lovers?

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Author Topic: Friends or Lovers?
Member # 43373

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So, I think I need some help on this one...

I have a guy friend who I've been good friends with for 6 years. We went on a trip in highschool, where we met, and have kept in good touch since then.
Periodically one of us will initiate a hang out and we always have this thing where we go to this one specific restaurant, and we go see a movie after. There have been a few times where he's tried to buy me dinner, or he's gotten the tickets ahead of time, but usually I try to even out the score.

Since my last ex, neither one of us has been in a relationship, we just hang out as friends every now and then. Last year, he moved away for school, but we kept in touch via text and skype. Then, he came back for this past summer and we hung out a few times - did the same dinner/movie thing. He mentioned twice that I should go out to his place to stay for the weekend. So, I've managed to get a weekend off work and am going to drive 5.5 hours next weekend to stay with him, in his apt. alone. I"m very excited, and very nervous.

Thing is, I've always had a huge crush on him, and I was never sure if it was mutual. But, i would think with the fact that we've kept in touch more recently, that he invited me out there, that it might point to good things. He also had a very serious confession-type conversation with me on skype about him being upset that he was still a virgin. He's 22. He told me he thinks relationships take time to build up and that sex hsn't been a priority. He also said that he's stupid and doesn't know when a girl likes him - he can't take a hint. And he said he has a habit of becoming good friends with girls, priding himself in the friendship and then being too chicken to turn it into anything more because "it's not worth the risk"

So, I'm going up there this weekend, and I'm totally confused. I know I should be myself, but should i give off more hints that I'm into him? Should I confess or ask him if that's how he feels? I know we flirt and goof around, we have good chemistry and he's always told me he loves how he can open up to me and be himself around me....confused! I also don't know what the sleeping arrangements will be or what I should try to do about that. Help!


Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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I'm not sure if I'm a big fan of hints. The often inefficient and leave us feeling like we cannot fully express ourselves.

The best way to have any kind of relationship with anyone is to be honest with them. If you want to know how he feels, or let him know how you feel - the best way to do that is to communicate with him. If he doesn't feel ready for a relationship, unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change that - but asking is the best way to find out.

As for the sleeping arrangements, again the best way is to communicate. What are you comfortable with? Sleeping in his bed with him? A spare bed? His sofa? His floor?

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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