I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and I do want to wait a little while before I go out with anyone, but I am completely stuck between two guys. The first guy lives in my state and I have liked him for a while. Hes sweet and he's my age. The second guy lives in a state eight hours away from my state. He sweet too, but hes 19 and I'm 16. Please any advice would be super helpful. Thanks in advance
-------------------- Thanks so much! Becca Posts: 136 | From: Baltimore, MD | Registered: Oct 2010
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Well, if you really don't think you're ready to date anyone quite yet the obvious answer is neither, , but, you know, here are some thoughts on what you've said:
First of all, also probably obvious, long distance relationships are typically more difficult than relationships where both people can be together regularly. (Not to diss LDRs; I've been in some myself, but they do tend to be more difficult.)
Probably more importantly, as you may know, the age difference you're describing would make sexual contact between the two of you illegal in many states. (Obviously, that doesn't automatically mean you shouldn't start dating and just wait to engage in sexual activity, but it is a big consideration.) In Maryland, the age of consent is 16, so it wouldn't be illegal where you are, but if, for instance, you traveled to visit him, or met up in another state, and engaged in sexual activity, he could be charged with and convicted of statutory rape, have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, etc.
As a more basic matter, you should always think about whether you're in very different stages of your life when look at age differences- it's often hard to see from when you're in high school, but when you're in high school, someone who's already graduated from high school is in a very different life stage from you, and that can add a lot of difficulties to a relationship. (Not impossible, of course, but harder.)
One other question- you've said both of these guys are sweet, but other than their ages and where they live, what else differentiates them? What hobbies or interests do each of them have that you share? Which has a sense of humor that works better with yours? Do you feel emotionally closer to one or the other? How do each of their value systems mesh with your own? This might not be something you need to think about right away, if you're not really planning on dating anyone for a while yet, but they're the sorts of things that often make or break a relationship.
Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011
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Really, I think that if you just had a breakup a couple days ago, and you want to wait a while before dating again (good idea, that), that you probably also don't want to start trying to decide WHO to date right now, either.
Instead, how about taking some time to grieve, then get back in the framework of having your own life outside any romantic relationships, and also give some thought to the why of your breakup, and what you did and didn't like in that past relationship. That's often important, and the extra bonus is that when you do all that, you'll probably be a lot clearer about what you want moving forward and who you might be most likely to find that with.
P.S. Serial monogamy doesn't have to be how people date and have relationships. In other words, when the time does come for dating, you don't have to make choices like this and walk right back into a closed or committed relationship. You also have the option to spend a little time hanging out with the people you might want to later pursue relationships with to help you decide.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 65647 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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