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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » "Pet Names"

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Author Topic: "Pet Names"
Member # 71763

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How do you feel about them? I'm kinda trying to reconcile how I feel about them...

Part of me thinks terms of endearment (honey, baby, sweetie) are cheesy and sometimes demeaning.

Another part of me likes the idea of being able to express (wait for it...) endearment using only one word. There are times when I feel like just using a name, which is also used for general identification, doesn't go far enough to reveal the fondness I feel.

So is it possible to use a term of endearment without sounding like a diner waitress or a pop song? Does such a word exist?

Occasionally my boyfriend and I use dear, but usually only sardonically.

What are your experiences?

[ 07-15-2011, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: OpheliaBedelia ]

Posts: 32 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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I tend not to find them patronizing if they aren't gendered. For example, when I'm working in my shop and a customer calls the male staff 'mate' and me 'love' because of my feminine apperance. Ugh.

However, me and my partner use 'baby, honey, sweetie, mermaid (lol), sugar mouse, puppy, kitty, sweetpea, ducky... a lot. Honey seems a little gendered to me, like too feminine, but maybe only because I haven't called my partner 'honey' yet.

Maybe you'd find pet names that are like relationship 'in jokes' better? Like say if you partner was called Bill, you can say Billy Bunny or something, it could be both said as a joke and as something 'cute'.

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I felt kind of the same thing when me and my boyfriend started getting serious. I felt like we should be calling each other "babe" and stuff like that but it just felt...icky. So, over time, we naturally developed our own. Sometimes I call him cookie (I think that came about from watch Monsters inc. together) and we both call each other babu sometimes (a misinterpreted lyric in a song where they say "bob who").

Just don't force it. Do what feels natural.

(oh, and p.s. I saw your post about the sex positions and I felt like they didn't really help much, so here's some suggestions if you don't mind (also, sorry if it sounds creepy, but I don't know the names of positions); him standing and bouncing you, you on top of him leaning far forward (so much so that your middles are almost touching or actually touching), and him sitting against a wall or on a chair and you on top. Hope those descriptions weren't too bad or weird. Good luck!)

Posts: 9 | From: Chicago | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 69019

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I don't think their a big deal. I call my boyfriend silly names because I find it funny and they make him facepalm at first but after awhile he finds it cute and doesn't care. XD Its a bit of a joke between us. Personally I think if you find them silly then don't use those you find silly. Maybe youll run into one that you enjoy more. lol
Posts: 60 | From: Windy LittleTown | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 71847

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i think they r cute! i call my bf boo, and he calls me his " sexy mama " ( im 8 months pregnant with his kid ) they make me blush in a good way and make me feel good about myself seeings how i have severely low self esteem. it lets me know he cares abut me and me calling him pet names show that i care about him in the same way!!! :-)
Posts: 1 | From: niagara falls canada | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Awesome topic!

My partner calls me "love" a lot and I like it - I remember the first time he called me that - I got all dopey-happy and now, I often remember that moment. [Smile] He occasionally uses other terms like "dear" or "honey" - sometimes jokingly but more often just casually and lovingly.

For me, it's something I like in this relationship. I was in an abusive, unhealthy relationship before and terms of endearment coming from him kinda made me want to throw up. But right now, in a better, very healthy relationship it feels like a sweet casual reminder of our connection - especially coming from a guy who isn't super emotionally demonstrative all of the time.

One thing I think about pet names in relationships is that they should probably happen naturally. It could make more feeling awkward if you sit down together and are like, hey, I call you baby and you call me sugarlips, okay? [Smile]

[ 07-15-2011, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 71763

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Hmm. Thinking about it, RaeRay2112, I think you're right. I don't really take too much issue with some of the non-gendered terms. They're cute. So is the inside-joke idea!

And yeah, I suppose the natural way everyone is suggesting makes the most sense. I mean, how can a name endear if it sounds artificial?

I'm hoping one day I'll just slip into one. From what it sounds like, they don't have to be all that serious (like, "my darling beloved flower petal") to be make your heart tingle.

Alice, I'm so glad you've found yourself in a better situation. It's great how you haven't let your past experiences hurt the here-and-now.

(P.S. overthemountain: Thanks! It's not creepy at all and I really appreciate the advice. My overactive imagination has thought about that last one many times! I will see to trying them out.)

Posts: 32 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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My boyfriend and I call each other "my love" but in Spanish. It sounds weird in English, but it's quite common where I live, so it sounds normal (in Spanish_. I'm not fond of names like "baby", "boo", "honey", or similar ones, but I respect people who like them. To each his/her own.

And like other members said, it comes naturally. [Smile]

Posts: 132 | From: La La Land | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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My favourites are 'dear', 'darling' and 'dearest'. I rarely use others, but my boyfriend calls me 'love' or 'honey', which are both pretty common for where he comes from =)
Posts: 52 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I don't mind at all when my boyfriend uses them but I HATE it when my customers at work do! I get called baby and sweetie and even "shortie" all the time and it makes me crazy!!
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