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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriends Controlling Parents

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Author Topic: Boyfriends Controlling Parents
Member # 72539

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Sunnyside193     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So im 18 and my bf will be 18 soon. We have been together for just over 2 years now. He is at uni and lives in a different town to me, however we used to live in the same town and we went to school together. Now i like his parents but they treat him like he is a kid and have doen other little things but the latest thing they have done has got to me.

While my bf and his family were overseas i logged onto my bfs facebook as he told me his password and posted a message as a joke for when he came back. He didnt seem to mind but his parents did. They had a go at him telling him Im controlling and that if i did something like that again his dad would considering ending our relationship.

I will admit there were times when i was controlling but me and my bf talked about it and worked it out. He has also tried standing up to his parents and this didnt work. I dont know what to do. Is there any way or anything that i or my bf can do to get his parents to back out of our relationship???

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, it sounds like your boyfriend could set some limits, and also choose perhaps not to tell you when his parents say this kind of thing.

But I hear you saying he has tried to set limits and boundaries, but that hasn't worked. So, sounds like he may need to take some other steps, or just blow it off when they say things like this.

In terms of other steps, with something like Facebook, for instance, a lot of people aren't FB friends with their parents, and he doesn't have to be with his. He can either try setting a limit by asking them not to go there or give feedback or just remove them as friends.

He can also make clear to his parents that only he can terminate his relationships, especially now that he is a legal adult.

That all said, have you ever had an earnest talk with them if you have, in fact, been controlling, and told them about the changes you have made and how you have made them? You don't have to do any of that, but it sounds like this matters a lot to you, so that might be another things to try and attempt to have a better relationship with them. Because if you were controlling in the past, then it's not like that's an unfounded concern, you know?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 72539

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Thanks this helps alot [Smile]
Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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