Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Choosing partners wisely

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Choosing partners wisely
Atonement
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42492

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atonement     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok, so this may be the most trivial thing I’ve posted here, and I feel kind of silly, but you guys are the experts, so I figured I would ask you anyway.

Since coming to my new city/school, my interest in having some sort of a relationship has increased. I’ve gotten less interested in the idea of hookups/friends with benefits and more interested in the idea of a relationship.

I’ve had a couple people approach me since coming here. While I wasn’t interested in either, it WAS a major confidence boost, and I did appreciate the attention.

Last week, though, I met a guy through an organization I belong to, and went out with him and a group of his friends from the organization.
This guy, who I’ll call guy A, seems great. He’s really involved in the organization, and he’s nice, funny, and attractive. He also has the same career plan as I do, and seems really passionate about it, which is a huge plus.

When we were out, he was totally nice, and seemed to make a point of making sure I was included. When he realized I was in unfamiliar territory, he made sure that I was able to get home. However, I don’t know if he was doing this out of interest if he was just being nice. I haven’t seen him since then, but I spoke to him briefly on facebook. However, it wasn’t enough to get any indication one way or the other.

Meanwhile, there is also guy B, my lab partner.
I am pretty sure guy B is interested in me. But I’m not quite sure how I feel about him. He also has the same career plan as me, but doesn’t seem as passionate. I suspect that he might be doing it for family legacy or prestige reasons rather that a genuine interest. He also doesn’t seem to be quite as interested in the quality of our lab work as I do, which is a down side. We’re supposed to be meeting up to get some work done towards the end of the week, and I wonder if he might try to initiate something then.

On one hand, I’m kind of wanting to see what happens next time I cross paths with guy A. However, I don’t want to express my interest, because we’re both really involved in the organization, and if he wasn’t interested it could end up being very awkward. Also, he is WAY more established than I am in the organization, so if someone ended up being pushed out of the group, I’m sure it would be me.

I could at the very least become casually involved with guy B. I’m at a point where I’m really wanting something, mostly physically. And I’d hate to turn down guy B only to find out that guy A isn’t interested.

Also, I know guy A’s best friend knows guy B, though I don’t know how well. So, despite the town/campus size, there’s a pretty good chance guy A would find out if I got involved with guy B.

So, what do you think? Any advice or suggestions?

Posts: 444 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
For starters, I don't think this is trivial. [Smile] I also think it must be quite nice to be having a dilemma for a change that isn't about abuse or tough stuff with your family! [Smile]

So, I think one big things I'm seeing right now in this might be nit getting that when dating, you don't have to pick just one person. What dating is really about is spending time with whoever you've interest in to see how you feel. What it's not is serial monogamy, where a person picks one person, goes on one date and then zooooooooom: is in an intimate, monogamous relationship from minute one. Know what I mean?

Point is, you can consider both of these guys for possible relationships. And you don't have to be secrety-secret about that, either. Now, if you don't feel like you can manage exploring that possibility with more than one at a time, or don't want to, that's fine, too, but you don't have to do it that way when you really don't know what you want yet, and it doesn't sound like you do.

That said, though, do YOU have any interest ion guy B? I hear you saying you suspect he has interest in you, but that all by itself really isn't a sound reason to get involved with someone unless you share that interest in them. It's sounding to me like your possible interest in him is really only about your perception of him being interested in you. Do I have that right?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atonement
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42492

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atonement     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think so...

I guess i am kind of interested physically, but I don't feel any other kind of connection. Whereas with guy A, it's like "wow, what don't we have in common?"

I kind of had an epiphany that if I pursued anything with guy B, I would be settling. And I feel like with as mediocre as my relationships have been, I owe it to myself to not waste my time with anyone that I'm not really into.

So, basically, I think that even if nothing happens with guy A, there's no reason to settle for someone I'm not really interested in. If I've met someone that I feel has that much potential in so short of time already, surely there's more people like that. You know what I mean?

Posts: 444 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, sounds like a) the only way you feel a connection to Dude B probably centers around the kind of interacton you've said you were less interested in, and b) you just don't feel that interested in him, period. That given, I agree, sounds like a dead-end per what you really want and anything to write home about.

And yep, I do know what you mean. I also don't think you have to just sit and wait around for Dude A to express interest or initiate something. For instance, why not just ask about grabbing a coffee together? It doesn't have to be romantic, it can just be a friendly way to get to know him more, see how you two may or may not connect.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atonement
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42492

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atonement     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I get what you're saying.

We have a meeting tomorrow, so I'm thinking of just casually talking to him and seeing if I can comfortably fit an invitation like that in there.

Posts: 444 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3