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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I don't understand!

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Author Topic: I don't understand!
Horrible Hostess
Neophyte
Member # 64292

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I have been trying for so long to figure out why I have only been asked out twice in my life since the 6th grade. I am said to be gorgeous, beautiful, pretty, and all that jazz. I'm a nice person. Everything about my body screams "sexy." I have "yabes" (what my best friend describes my boobs as for being big), I have an hourglass shape, I'm 5 foot 6, I'm smart, I'm emotional and deep and sensitive, I have a great sense of humor, my eyes are beautiful/gorgeous/pretty, I'm less than 140lbs, and proportionate. SO WHY AM I NOT LIKED?

Girls and guy friends say it's because I'm intimidating or boys/girls are too shy to ask me out. But, I have a few other considerations.
Can they tell that I have depression and avoid me? Do I put people off by my occasionally distant personality? Is there some type of forcefield around me that turns people away? Am I not confident enough (write this on a good day where I love myself)? Am I actually ugly and I just let the lie that I'm pretty get into my head (how I feel most of the time, quite honestly)? Because I hate myself, are other people unable to like me? Does someone like me and I just can't handle it because I feel like I don't deserve it?

I feel like I'm such a vigorous cycle in my head between hurting myself and ignoring myself that I miss other people's perceptions of me. I know I make up some things to bring myself down about how other people feel towards me, so how can I put that aside? I should really stop trying to deal with this all on my own... but only i can know me, so how is talking to some stranger going to help me straighten out my view of the world? IDK.

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I'm standing on a cliff between a cold world of malice and a demise I don't know if I want.

Posts: 3 | From: Charlotte, NC | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

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Why don't you just ask people out rather than waiting for someone to ask you?

Also, if you have depression are you in therapy? I found therapy helped me very much, and when I was feeling better my relationships were better as well.

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horrible Hostess
Neophyte
Member # 64292

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I've tried talking to a therapist, but I never talked to them about what goes on in my head. It's hard for me to express myself when I talk. I can write it out well, though.

Also, I have asked a few people out, but i always get turned down (albeit only 3 times).

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I'm standing on a cliff between a cold world of malice and a demise I don't know if I want.

Posts: 3 | From: Charlotte, NC | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
naplement
Activist
Member # 46362

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you can totally write down stuff for a therapist. And I'd really recommand you to see one.

And what you say sounds familiar. if someone is convinced that they can't be liked, then the forcefield is in their head, changing output so that it matches their theory and making hard to genuinely communicate with others.

Posts: 124 | From: hungary | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rolta
Neophyte
Member # 49038

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You should think about why you want to be asked out. I mean, do you want someone to ask you out because you're genuinely interested in a person and you want you want to start some sort of relationship with them? Or do you want to be asked out because you think it symbolizes your worth?
You may have a lot of great qualities but have you ever felt chemistry with anyone? Having chemistry with someone is important to a lot of people especially early on in the relationship. Even if guys think you're pretty and nice they may just not have felt that sort of chemistry with you.
Another factor is maturity. Maybe the guys you're around just don't feel ready for a relationship (or at least not a serious one). But anyways, you should focus at getting through your depression right now and not getting someone to ask you out. Your self worth shouldn't rely on getting asked out. Learn to be happy with your self and when you do start a real relationship things will run so much smoother because you'll already be happy with yourself so you can spread that happiness onto the other person.

Posts: 17 | From: Columbus Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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