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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Struggling with Long Distance

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Author Topic: Struggling with Long Distance
Member # 50947

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My apologies if this is really long and confused. I'm trying to organize my thoughts as well as I can. Here goes...

I'm in a long-distance relationship, and my boyfriend has really been struggling with the distance for the past few months. We started dating about a year ago and have been long-distance for all but the first month of the relationship (I had already accepted a job halfway across the country when we started dating).

Basically, he says that he really loves me and thinks we're perfect for each other, so he doesn't want to break up unless he's completely hopeless regarding our prospects. The distance is starting to make him feel more and more hopeless. At the same time, the idea of one of us moving for the other fills him with terror, specifically because of the commitment he perceives as going along with it, regardless of which of us moves.

The current situation is that he's torturing himself trying to figure out what to do about this situation, but he's unwilling to take any of the options open to him (breaking up with me, continuing as-is, or moving). I've seen enough of his previous relationships (we were friends for years before dating) to know that he has something of a self-destructive streak where relationships are concerned and that he tends not to be one to take action when inaction is possible.

I really love this guy and want to be with him and think he feels the same way, but we can't go on with him constantly torturing himself over the relationship.

I guess I'm looking for help helping him to find as much clarity as possible so he can make an informed decision. I realize he might end up breaking up with me as a result of that, but I want to make sure it's because that's what he wants, not because he's confused. Any help in discussing ways to be together without pressuring him would also be much appreciated.



Posts: 12 | From: United States | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 61258

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My boyfriend and I have had an on-off long distance relationship. While we have been together for almost 3 years, there were several months it was long distance. It was often broken up into a month or two. The longest was 6 months. It really is tough. With my experiences, I think the best thing I can tell you is that if it's meant to work out, it will. That's how I had to deal with being in a long distance relationship.

I would tell your boyfriend there's no need to rush into a decision. Think about all of the possibilities - positives and negatives to each. Tell him to make a decision that is best for him and there's no pressure being put on him for one decision over another. I hope things work out!


Posts: 14 | From: California | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 50947

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Thanks, Scottie! I'll do my best to keep the pressure off him and let him take his time, though I think part of the problem is that he is upsetting himself in taking the time to think about the options. Which is probably necessary, even if it's hard...

Was there anything you did to make the distance easier, apart from visiting as often as possible and keeping in mind that it would work if it was meant to (a thought that definitely helps me)?

Posts: 12 | From: United States | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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