So I need some advice, if i was overreacting about this situation? And if we should break up?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months now, and lately he says I've been acting extra "crazy" as he calls it. It's hard because I've been going through a hard time with my bestfriend, started a new medication for my heart that gives me anxiety (getting weaned off though), and have been sick for the past month. I get jealous fairly easily, and just the little things are starting to annoy me. It's reallly really hard, because he's a film maker and he's fairly popular, so of course he works around attractive people all day long. Which is kind of hard for me to do deal with, because I know that there's a lot of sleeping around and flirting in the film industry, even though I know he'd never cheat on me. He's the camera operator for a community college class as well, and I dropped off Valentines presents for him today since he wanted me to stop by. At first he kissed me, and then I left. As I was leaving an attractive girl came into the class. I ran into my friend on the way out, and so I walked back into the classroom with her because she also had to drop something off there, and we were chatting. I saw my boyfriend again, but this time he refused to kiss me, in front of this girl, when i was leaving. He said it's because the teacher didn't want us to do PDA, which is totally acceptable. But the teacher was there the first time we kissed, and he didnt care! I leaned in for just a kick peck, and he stepped away and gave me a look like "why are you trying to kiss me?". I started going for a hug and he stepped back again, and then he stuck his hand up for a high five. At that point I was pissed. He even hugs his friends who are girls. Why had he kissed me the first time (in front of the teacher and one male student), but once the girl came in he wouldn't. What the hell!
Even before that situation, I had been thinking about breaking up with him. Should I be mad at him for doing that or am i just overreacting (like he called it, when we talked about it)? I'm just not sure what to do.
He tells me all the time he doesn't know what he'd do without me. And that he loves me. And also that he'd not be in another relationship, at least not for a very long time, if we ever break up because he'd be so broken up about it.
Ahhh. This is frustrating. At this point, I don't know when I'm overreacting and when I'm not. Advice?
I can't tell you whether you "should" be mad, because every person is going to gage each situation differently and as was (thankfully) pointed out to me recently, there is no one prescribed way one should feel. But is it reasonable for you to feel mad in this situation? Absolutely. Although your boyfriend has every right to not kiss you in any given situation, no matter what his reasoning is, his motivation for not kissing you does seem less than good (although having only your perspective I can't say for sure). You have every right to be in a relationship with someone whom treats you with respect and does not act embarrassed to be seen with you. PDA isn't everybody's cup of tea, but you boyfriend initially didn't seem to have any issue with it.
You talked to him about this, other than him saying that you were over reacting (at this point, what was your reaction?), what did he (and yourself) day in this conversation? Why sis he say that he acted this way?
Should you break up with him? Only you can decide that. Some things it may help to consider: is this the first time he has done this? Does he do similar things, or other things of the sort?
You may want to talk again to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and express things similarly to the way you have in your post. If he can't take you seriously, then you need to work (the both of you) on your communication. If he isn't willing to, then he isn't worth the effort.
Hope some of this has helped. If you clarify by answering some of the non-rhetorical (or even the rhetorical) questions I'd be happy to give more of my opinion. Sorry to hear that you are so frustrated by this, and by the way I don't think you're over reacting at all.
Edit: What made you think of breaking up with him before?
[ 02-14-2011, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]
I am ME and that is the only label I need. Posts: 845 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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My initial reaction was, I texted him and said, "What? No kiss?" And then he said "shut up. haha. I love you." Then when we met up for lunch later on, he kissed me and I said "Hmm, you're not going to give me a high five like last time?" All he usually responds with his "Oh come on!". We talked about it on the drive to lunch, and I told him how embarrassed it made me feel that he flat out denied any kind of kiss or hug from me. And he didn't even make it seem like I was his girlfriend. In the car he just said, "You're overreacting." I never once yelled, or raised my voice. I actually whispered because it was a really embarrassing situation, and I told him it made me felt like he was ashamed of me. Then he'd say "Relax. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." It's really been bugging me though. When I asked why he did it the first time in front of the teacher and not the second, he said "Well he was outside the first time, the second time he was watching." Which I'm 99% sure that thats not true. The teacher was having a conversation with his friend. I told him I'd like for him to treat me like his girlfriend, and not like the rest of his friends who are girls. All he really has to say is "Ok, sorry. I love you."
He's done something similar before, but in the beginning of our relationship. At the time he said "I dont want to compete the other PDA couples. haha, people probably can't even tell we're together sometimes." Sometimes he holds my hand, hugs, or even just gives me a kiss on the cheek in public, but sometimes not.
What made me think of breaking up with him in the past was two reason actually. The first 3 months of our relationship, he would always ask a mutual friend about a girl he use to really like. But we talked about that and now that's done with.
Another thing that came up in our conversation was he said, "Maybe I'm in the wrong field of work. You or my past gf wasn't able to handle it. So probably no other girl would be able to either." I told him that he didnt need to change his field of work, and I wanted him to do what he wanted to do. But it was definitely hard for me to handle. I'm pretty sure I can't handle his field of work. I don't want to feel insecure about myself with all the actresses flirting with him, and the nude and sex scenes he has to film. One time he even made a remark to an actress who was half naked, while filming his very first sex scene "I'm going to be polite and look into your eyes instead of your boobs." We had an argument about that too. So pretty much, I don't want to hold him back from what he wants to do. I'm not going to make him change his career just for me. And I dont want to be insecure and stressed about it all the time either. I just can't handle being with someone that has to do stuff like that, see other girls boobs, etc.
Thank you for all the advice so far. It's really been an eye opener.
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