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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » breakup

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Author Topic: breakup
Member # 58302

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So this is a really long story but I'll try to keep it short. My ex and I started dating about 8 months ago. We were both seniors in HS and had 1 month or so before school was over follwed by summer which was about 2.5 months. I cannot describe how happy I was during this time. She was my first love ever. We decided to stay together after summer even though I would be going to college and she would be taking a gap year (for 9 months) 12 hours away from the US (a family tradition). We figured we had fallen in love so fast and the love was so strong, unlike anything we had ever felt. The first three months everything was fine. We video chatted often and talked on the phone often, everything was great. I made plans to visit her December during my break and I did. It was a fantastic time even though we both got sick. Per her words, seeing eachother really reminded us why we loved eachother how much we did. A few days after I left, she would start a program there that was like military training. It was fake but an experience she wanted as both her parents did it (they did this long distance thing too but they both went during separate times since they were a year apart.) I was excited for her to go on this program for about 7 weeks even though she had made clear that we wouldn't get to talk much as she'd be without a phone a lot, etc. I knew it'd be tough but our love was so incredible that I felt fine. In college, I was working my *** off during this time as I go to a top school for my major. Barely any freetime. We talked occasionally the first 4 weeks or so, but then she was traveling around the country and she wanted a break from me she said on a phone call. I was upset as I loved knowing that even though this girl was on the other side of the world, she loved me deeply. She claimed that after 3 more weeks, we would discuss our relationship's future and this was after her military program thing was done. I was upset but I understood at the time.. she barely had time to talk and not being able to talk a lot was hard for her. She said after the 3 weeks, she did not have intentions of completely breaking up. I figured that after the 3 weeks everything would be fine. The 3 weeks expired and we made plans to talk on a Sunday a couple weeks ago. To set the background, I had shit loads of work to do including making an entire website that Sunday, and tons of other hw. My school keeps me and others busy like no other. I had been waiting for this conversation and I was telling my friends I was excited for it. As the subject suggests, this phone call was about her breaking up with me. I had no clue why. I had been nothing but good to this girl, I even visited her a couple months before. At that point when we were talking, she had 3 months left in the country. She wanted to get back this summer. Her reason for breaking up is that she "wanted to be free". What this means isn't extremely clear. She told me that the love was exactly the same as before but that she could not promise that she wouldn't see other guys. This was the part that killed me. I sat on a bench for about 5 hours in an academic building crying my *** off. I was so confused and sad. After a few days, I told her that her love simply couldnt be the same if she couldnt make the promise she was able to make the first months of being far apart. I kept telling her this and she finally admit that maybe it wasn't the same, to then saying it probably was not the same. This made me happier because I then understood why she couldn't make that promise. But now I'm on break with 2 months of school left and she will be coming back to the US in 3 months or so. We have been talking pretty much every day and we still say we love eachother (even though not the same love). But I can't stop thinking about this girl. Whether I am walking in the street or seeing some movie , so many things remind me of our relationship. It's becoming so hard on me and while 3 months is not a lot, I can't live like this anymore. I told her and she accepted that her decision could change things forever and we might never be the same. She claims there is no one else and I believe her 100% although my family is weary. I just want to move on with my life these next few months and we keep saying to eachother we should stop talking about our relationship but this is easier said than done. I want to stop thinking about the times we had but this has been probably the hardest thing ever in my entire life and I've been through a lot. Does anyone have some advice for me? My friends have been great support but so far I still keep thinking about her. Should I even think about getting back with her or what? Ughh I love life but it is so difficult..
Posts: 1 | From: usa | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused about where you and this kind of stand right now.

You say you've been talking a lot: talking about the possibility of getting back together? If so, what kind of model are you two talking about? Since it sounds like she was saying she just didn't feel at the right time of life for something exclusive or committed, are you talking about getting back together in a way that's more open and less serious?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45424

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I am really sorry about what you're going through.. I was kind of in the same situation as you in my last relationship. We were both totally happy and then he just flat out breaks up with me because he wanted to be single because he felt he was too young to be in a serious relationship. I respected his choice, but I was obviously still in to him. We talked and talked, flirted, hooked up for about two years.. And I was ALWAYS thinking about him. I thought that if I was there for him, he would finally come back to me. Until one days years later I asked him if we could be with each other again. But he was done with that thought a long time ago. I realized then that I was holding on to someone who didn't want to be held on to. I don't know if your ex wants to get back one day.. But you might want to know and ask her before your hurt all over again when you finally realize that it was never meant to be.. Like I did. It's a very painful experience and take it from someone who knows. That last thing you want later down the road, years later, that she never wants to get back with you.

You need to take care of you, and your needs. If at some point her final choice is clear as ever.. You need to ask yourself if that's a choice you want to deal with to. Because to be honest, your not married and she is thinking about herself, you need to start doing the same.

They're plenty of wonderful fish in the sea who wants exactly what you want. That's what's great about love, you can find it with anyone!

Posts: 39 | From: Nevada | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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