Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Cutting & boyfriend

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Cutting & boyfriend
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 4 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I self harm, well did until I met this guy & he made me promise to stop, which to be fair I've really tried at it. To go from cutting 5/6 times a week to none is really hard but now I'm starting to slip & I can't go to my friends because they need me to be strong and I can't be strong if I say to them "guys I need you to help me hide these cuts from B" :/
I just want to know how to get around the subject with him? Because I no longer have a stress release & it's driving me up the wall.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Promising a guy you'll stop is not likely to really do the trick for you. Self-harming is pretty complex, and it's not usually something someone just stops or can because someone asked them to.

Can I ask why you feel you can't talk to your friends? Asking for help is also not about us not being strong: one actually has to be pretty strong to ask for that. But friendships also should never require us to have to hold everyone else up at our own expense.

Do you feel like you know why you're cutting?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I know, I just don't know how to say to him that sometimes I need to cut.

Because if I tell them I'm cutting again they will phone my parents, who don't know about any of this.

I'm cutting because I think I'm a slut and not good enough, I just have these thoughts & then feel worse & worse & just get so angry at myself.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Alice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey there,

I totally understand where you're coming from. These are really hard feelings to manage. Do you have access to counseling of any sort? You could start by going to your school's guidance counselor and asking for counseling resources. Like Heather said, this is way too difficult to handle alone.

Was it your boyfriend who will tell your parents if you keep doing it, or someone else?

I'd suggest that, once you are on the road to getting real help for this, you tell your boyfriend very straight forward what's up and that you're getting help with it, so he doesn't feel like he has to take it on all by himself. If you're not comfortable saying this in person you could do it over the phone, or in email, or in a real letter, etc.

--------------------
The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Being able to be honest with your partner is really key in a healthy relationship. I understand that you don't want him to worry about you and don't want to disappoint him, but keeping something huge like self-injury from a partner isn't good for a relationship, either.

It sounds like you've already talked about it in the past, so maybe you can try to bring it up again and explain your feelings to him.

As far as quitting is concerned, as Heather pointed out, doing it for something else is not likely to get you there. With something like this, you've got to stop for yourself. No matter how much you love someone, it's going to be really hard to quit for them if you are not 100% convinced. So trying to do this as a favor to him is only going to put more pressure on you, and that's probably the last thing you need right now.

What is more likely to help you to quit cutting is talking about WHY you are doing it, and finding safer ways to deal with your insecurities.

Do you have any coping methods other cutting? Would you like to talk about possible coping methods that might work for you?

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9171 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I do see a counsellor but I have no other methods of coping, I'd love to quit. I'm trying really hard but I have this fear of if I tell him that I need this to keep me "normal" he'll freak out & leave me. I really don't want that.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Have you talked to your counselor about finding some other coping methods? Any good counselor should be happy to help you do that, and should have some suggestions.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5738 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not yet, but she doesn't really like the idea of my promise to B because she knows that I feel guilty for breaking it already. :/

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have to say, I'm not a big fan of it either. Like I said above, making those kinds of promises doesn't tend to be very fair (to you) or helpful.

Have you talked with her about how you might talk to B about this promise and why it's not really one you can keep or that you should have to worry about keeping?

Can I also ask if you feel this person you're with really accepts you, which includes accepting the ways you're "not normal" or areas where you have a hard time and need to work on things?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No we haven't talked about it at all apart from in passing & when she made her feelings clear I changed subject.

I have no idea if he accepts me, he doesn't know anything about my past. I mean literally nothing. & it hurts to even try & think about discussing it with him.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Let me ask a tougher question, then: do you think this person is the right person for you to be this invested in?

I ask that because it sounds like you have a lot of emotional investment in this relationship, a level I'd say we want to save for people we can talk about about our past, who we know are very accepting of us, and who we can be flawed and vulnerable with safely and without feeling like we have to be perfect. Do you know what I mean?

I'm not sure now's the best time in your life for this kind of relationship, period, but you're going to be the best judge of that. However, it seems to me that if it is an okay time for you to get close to someone, for it to be something that benefits you, rather than just adds an extra stress, you should be able to feel okay being who you are and have been with that person, and the idea of them knowing you or about you should not feel painful.

Can I also check in with you as to if you think this relationship itself might be part of what is triggering you to cut lately?

[ 02-03-2011, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think that he's the right person for right now. & the only reason I can't talk about my past to him is because I have no idea what his reaction would be, my friend made a joke about a part of my past & he was instantly on guard asking me about the boy she joked about.

This relationship isn't making me cut, my last relationship is why I'm cutting.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The thing is that someone who is the right person for us is someone who accepts us for who we are, past and all. So if you think that your partner may not be supportive if you were honest with him, then he may just not be the right partner for you.

And having to lie or keep part of yourself hidden is never good in a relationship, but especially not if you are already struggling.


As for coping methods, that depends a little on what you like to do and what kind of interests you have. For people who are artistic, writing or painting can help them release stress. If you like sports, then practicing or working out might help. Other people find it helpful to focus on themselves and take care of themselves, like by taking a bath or watching a favorite movie. It's something where you'll just have to try and see what works best.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9171 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't think anyone would be supportive of my past, even the guy in my past regrets it. I want this guy to be the right person for me, if you understand this I need him basically.

I've tried some coping methods like writing and playing more sport but they'll work for short periods of time & cannot really distract me.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Aqlexd: if you want to talk about whatever has happened in your past so you can experience getting some support around it -- because I can assure you, we can do that for you -- we're happy to listen.

I am concerned to hear what sounds like dependence on this guy, or a guy, period. But I assume this is something your counselor is already discussing with you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I miscarried, I was 14 I was going to abort anyway but it just knocked me. It's not like we'd meant to do that or anything but it's 2 years since it happened this year & I can't get it out of my head. I don't know if I should tell B or how'd he take it, I'm afraid that telling him would ruin everything.

No, I refuse to talk about him to my counsellor, we talk about things that aren't related to him.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay.

I'm glad you felt able to share that.

Do you want some feedback from me on what you just shared here?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, okay.

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay.

For starters, I want to make sure you know that, literally, millions of people could be supportive of you in this and have been of other women in similar situations, whether we're talking about women who become accidentally pregnant, women who terminate or have terminated pregnancies, women who miscarry or have miscarried or all three. There is LOTS of support for you out there in this.

You're also disclosing some very common experiences. It's estimated that as many as 50% of all pregnancies (some sources say even higher) end in miscarriage, and around half of those happen without a person even knowing they were pregnant in the first place. It's usually not about anything anyone did or didn't do, nor something we can control. And even when a pregnancy isn't wanted and/or a termination is planned, it can be a difficult or sad experience, even though miscarriage pretty much happens because our bodies are being smart, making their own decisions about what seems most likely to result in our health and the health of a potential child.

(Just so you also know, post-partum depression can happen with any end to a pregnancy, not just with birth or when a pregnancy ends late. So, some of your feelings may have been, or even may still be, about changes to your body.)

Millions of women every year become accidentally pregnant, and millions of women every year choose to terminate pregnancies, too. In other words, you are SO not alone in your experiences here, not even close. So, not only are there a lot of people out in the world who could be supportive of you, lots of them could understand some of how you're feeling first-hand.

If so far, your experience has been that no one can accept that this very common experience has happened to you, I hope you can come to realize that that's not because no one can be accepting and supportive, just that whoever you have disclosed this to so far hasn't been, which I'm guessing is a very, very small number of people.

If a partner you have -- this one or any other -- can't deal with something like this, that would not mean anything about you, or be any kind of statement that what you went through and hat happened was unsupportable. It just means that person lacked the kind of maturity, compassion and understanding needed for them to respond supportively.

I'd also say that if any partner you choose couldn't accept this, and them knowing about it would "ruin everything" that things were probably pretty crap to begin with, because this is the kind of real-deal stuff around reproduction someone's partner is going to need to deal with in life sometimes. Again, not everyone will have the maturity for this, but that's their failing, not yours.

[ 02-04-2011, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Support means telling someone who's going to judge you. My friends judged me, the guy involved judged me.

No, I think it would ruin everything because I'm not sure he'd know where to stand with the news & I don't want to make him awkward.

& it was my failing, it was my fault wasn't it?

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Miscarriage is rarely anyone's fault. Saying miscarriage is someone's fault is like saying leukemia is someone's fault. Miscarriage is just something that very commonly happens to folks with a uterus.

I don't know the situation in which you became unwantedly pregnant, but no matter what that was, it's not like becoming pregnant when it's not what you wanted or meant to have happen is a crime or something terrible. It's something that happens. If any of it was about you not making perfect or even good choices, that's part of life, too. That happens, and often all we need to do to right those things is to just take responsibility where we actually bear it and then work to make sounder choices moving forward.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "Support means telling someone who's going to judge you." Because it doesn't. In fact, we can be pretty sure that people who make judgments around these issues aren't supportive people, even though, unfortunately, we sometimes have to find that out by asking for support and not getting it, which obviously is the worst. But we can also get support by choosing to talk to people we know or are very sure won't judge and who will be supportive. And once more, chances are that guy and your friends simply didn't have the maturity, education or compassion they needed to be supportive. That's not to excuse them for being unaccepting and nonsupportive, but once more, their limitations are not about you, they're about them.

That one guy and your circle of friends are one small group of people. Like I said, there are MANY people, a far larger group, who would have no trouble accepting these things happened to you, accepting they are part of your past, and supporting you around them and however you feel about them.

In terms of things being awkward, I think one big thing to know is that if and when we are going to get close to someone else, and work towards real intimacy, occasional awkwardness is simply part of the deal. No relationship of any depth is never awkward.

Now, some of what I hear you saying is that you don't feel ready to be that vulnerable and potentially open to nonsupport from this guy (or anyone). I think that's totally valid, and it's good to know our limits when we feel that way. But then, ideally, we also want to respect those limits and capabilities by not putting ourselves in situations where we can't honor them, or where our limits and in conflict with what we're doing. For instance, making someone else a lifeline in any way with whom we feel scared to be vulnerable or open with, who we don't know or trust will accept us, is a pretty risky emotional move where we're more likely to be hurt than helped.

Know what I mean?

P.S. I support and accept you and all of this. So, now you don't get to say no one will or does as you know at least one person who does. [Smile]

[ 02-04-2011, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you for the advice [Smile]

If I do discuss this with B how should I go about it?

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You probably want to pick a time when you know you aren't going to be interrupted, and when you know you're going to have a good chunk of time together so that if you need/want to, you can have a good long talk. How you initiate the conversation is up to you and what you feel comfortable with, but something like "I'd like to talk to you about something that's tough for me to talk about. I would really appreciate it if you would hear me out, without interrupting or judging me" and then go from there. (Obviously, you don't have to use that exact wording - figure out how to put it in a way that feels natural to you.)

I know you have said that you don't talk about B with your counselor, but do you think you would be willing to consider it? I ask because counselors can be really incredibly helpful and supportive when we're trying to figure out how to have tough conversations like this. It's your choice whether or not you bring this up with your counselor, but I do think they're likely to have some very valuable input, as well as being someone who can help you process the outcome of this talk with B after it happens.

[ 02-05-2011, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5738 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, he didn't take it well at all. He just got angry and said that it made him feel useless because he couldn't help. :/

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This really doesn't sound like a good person for you to be so close to right now: it sounds like he is unable to recognize that this longstanding issue of yours is not about him, and also not something he can fix.

I'd strongly suggest you reconsider being in relationship to this person right now. He simply sounds incapable of the kind of emotional maturity and understanding that you need.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, I'm back for some more advice on this. I talked to him about it again, I brought it up at a more reasonable time (before it had been just after he'd found out I'd cut a little while before so he was really angry :/) and this time he said he'd like to help me stop but wanted to know how he could help? I'm trying to avoid going back to counselor (which if I stop doing my friends will tell my parents I'm cutting :/) so I can't ask her for how he could help me, he asked me to ask you? (he doesn't have internet access without his mum being over his shoulder) thanks [Smile]

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Can I ask why you're trying to avoid counseling?

As well, can you maybe fill me in on why you think you cut? In other words, what triggers the urge to do it for you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Because I hate feeling like I'm piling my crap on someone else's plate, I know it's her job but I'd much rather brush away my problems & she always seems surprised when I come back (she's told me this three times now, she doesn't actually expect me to return).

I cut because I'll be thinking of something and then I'll think of my ex and then I'll feel bad then I'll think of all my insecurities and basically make myself feel worse and worse, until I'm so stressed and close to crying that I have to do something, so I cut. :/

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Have you ever asked her why she doesn't expect you to return? I'd have my own guesses, and am not surprised she said that, but if you haven't asked why, I think it'd be a good idea to do that.

Here's the thing: if you (no pun intended) cut yourself off from people in terms of talking about all the things that are troubling you, you cut yourself off from the support everyone needs, especially when we're struggling. So, it's very likely to manifest in unhealthy ways of coping, because you're shutting yourself out of the healthy ways. In other words, it sounds like you bottle up bad feelings and stress. That's like putting a cork in a bottle of something carbonated that gets shaken and shaken and shaken: eventually, that cork is gonna blow, and everything comes flying out, usually in a really rough way that's hard for anyone to handle, because it's just too much all at once.

Your boyfriend can't be your therapist or counselor in this. Even if he had that kind of training, it wouldn't be appropriate for him to be that person. And he certainly shouldn't be trying to be some sort of cutting-police: that's really inappropriate and not at all helpful, since it's only going to stress you out more on top of having him be in a role that's not really about partnership, but more about parenting, if you get me.

What he CAN do is to support you in caring for yourself and coping in healthy ways, like being supportive of you getting counseling or other ways you cope that are healthy (whether that's via something like writing or art, taking walks, whatever), like listening to you when you're feeling bad and need extra support.

[ 03-15-2011, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aqlexd
Activist
Member # 46705

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aqlexd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Can I ask, what are your guesses?

& thanks for the help [Smile] this is making all this a lot easier. [Razz]

--------------------
Aqlexd

Posts: 49 | From: Wales, United Kingdom, Europe | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sure. It's sounded a bit to me like you haven't really been participating fully in your therapy: like you've been holding back, or have not really wanted to be there. So, while I'd still ask her, if it has been like that, then for sure, you'd have low expectations of a patient coming back.

And I'm glad to help. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3