Hey all, I'm brand new to the forum, and I apologize if this thread belongs in a different category.
I have been dating a guy for about 6 months now. We're both in our early 20's. He has a much lower sex drive than me, so I already feel a little bit self conscious and rejected most of the time.
He has only gone down on me twice, neither of which lasted for more than 2 minutes or so. And one of those times (I'm not sure about the other; I don't remember) he lost his erection while going down on me. I know that he is grossed out by vaginas. He doesn't really hide that fact from me. I go down on him all the time--so much so that he complains about it now if I try to give him a spontaneous bj.
It just sucks because I feel so ugly down there. I do my very best to make him feel free of insecurities, I'm always telling him how hot he is, how big he is down there, etc. He doesn't even finger me unless I take his hand and physically put one of his fingers inside of me.
We do not have much foreplay... the foreplay is mostly all about him--which is okay because I get turned on knowing that he's turned on...but still, it's starting to weigh on me, and I feel....gross and ashamed.
I'm already a very self conscious person as it is. A few years ago, I had surgery done on my vagina because one side of my labia minora would hang low, and the other did not. I despised it and got it snipped. He does not know this.
How can I cope with feeling this way all the time?
MissBelle, it sounds like you are with someone who's not only not very sexually compatible with you, but who also may just not be ready for partnered sex at all.
Part of being ready for sex is being able to accept bodies, your own and that of your partner, and feeling comfortable with them. If your partner is grossed out by vaginas and is disrespectful enough to make that plain, it doesn't sound like he's someone who is ready yet to deal with real human bodies and the realities of sex.
I am so sorry to hear that he is making you feel so insecure, especially given that you were already feeling self-conscious to begin with.
Have you been honest with him about how much his behaviour hurts you? How he's behaving would be offensive to anyone with a vagina, so you don't even need to disclose your surgery if you don't want to.
But if this isn't something where he is willing to make a huge effort and work on himself, then it may just turn out that you two don't work together sexually and may want to consider shifting to a more platonic relationship.
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9187 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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