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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What can I do to fix this?

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Author Topic: What can I do to fix this?
Member # 52478

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So my girlfriend and I have been going out almost 4 months now. We used to be extremely happy together, completely in love, but lately we've been fighting more and getting more and more distant.

The problem is that she can't show me she cares about me. I always work very hard to express to her just how much I love her. I sneak her little kisses and hugs, give her treats when I know she's feeling down, try to console her when she's in a bad mood (which just makes her mad at me), write her poetry, etc. But she just doesn't do anything back. When we kiss, she pulls away first and she always seems hesitant to kiss me. I'm so hurt and confused, because she just seems to ignore me when we're together (which is rare because of our different schedules).

I'm 15, she's 17. She's my first girlfriend, and I really care for her. She used to tell me that she loves me, that I'm her everything, that she can see herself with me in the future, but now she tells me she's not even sure she loves me anymore.

Back to ignoring me, when we're together she focuses on everything but me. I doubt it's on purpose, but I've talked to her about it and she says she just doesn't know why. If I don't kiss her, we don't kiss. If I don't start a conversation, we don't talk. If I don't put my arm around her, we don't touch. And I just feel so horrible now and I tell her this and she just gets mad at me.

I really care for her and I really want to just fix it and be happy again. But she just doesn't seem to care, or if she does, then she chooses not to show it to me. She at least pays attention to other people, it's only me she ever ignores. I don't know what to do. Some advice please?

[ 03-05-2011, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: AliasLearning ]

Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 50455

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When we are in our teens our emotions can change really quickly, and sometimes we just don't know why. At 17 your girlfriend is looking at being an adult for the first time, possibly going to college soon, graduating from high school either this year or at the end of next year, and probably trying to figure a lot of stuff out. So the best thing you can do is follow her cues about the relationship and keep communication open.

But sometimes relationships just end. Not all breakups are the expand »giant dramatic things that movies and TV shows tell us they are - nobody has to cheat on anybody or find out a deep dark secret or anything. People often grow apart, especially as teenagers when so much in your lives are changing so dramatically. First relationships can feel like the best thing because they are so new and fun and different from anything you have experienced before.

But the fact is that most people have more than 1 relationship in their life. And it can totally break your heart when that first, new, awesome relationship ends, and it's OK to be upset and confused about why it's ending. It doesn't mean that you did anything wrong, that she did anything wrong, or anything like that.

And, hey, it might not mean that it's ending. Maybe she's going through other stuff and it may turn around soon.

Keep talking, keep letting her know that you're around if she wants to talk, and make sure you're doing other things for you, too.

Hey folks, my name is Andrew and I was a mod here for awhile a couple years ago. I'll be here for a couple weeks while Heather is out and the site is even more short-staffed than usual

Posts: 441 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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