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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Close to being the Bad Guy

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Author Topic: Close to being the Bad Guy
Member # 42658

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Okay, so I already asked help here and it proved helpful. It's a truly supportive community so I believe it's the right place to let it out:

I have a very good female friend (label her as X). We've become soulmates, in way. The kind of people that look for each other when the other is feeling down.
Now, she has a boyfriend, who is also a friend of mine. She's been having a few troubles with him lately and got really close to me, and, to be honest, I'm afraid she's developing romantic feelings towards me. She's also aware of my huge romantic insecurities (won't get into them), so maybe it kind of fuels her feelings. Some stuff she told me hints at that, although, if it's true, she's uncomfortable with it too.
Now, why I don't want to get into a relationship:
1. We will fall into "Guy steals other guy's girl" thingie and I don't want any relationship with that sticker
2. Her boyfriend will get hurt if they break up, but if she goes for me he'll probably hate me too.
3. She's a great friend, but not the kind I'm looking for as a romantic partner. I need someone with more things in common.

Yet, I know if this scenario happens, I will 90% reject her; Getting into a relationship I'm not certain enough about is unhealthy, and it will hurt her more later. Yet, if I will, she'll probably be devastated, and I really, realy don't want to hurt her. She knows how terrible I felt in a similar position (I'm the guy girls stay away from) and it will only makes things worse. Of course, I won't cut off contact if I reject.

There is also the possibility that none of this would happen. Her relationship will go one (A year now). Still, just in case, I want to be prepared for this scenario. Let me know if some things aren't clear.

Posts: 75 | From: Planet Earth | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't see you expressing anything here where you're being a bad guy or the bad guy.

I think you have very sound reasons for not wanting this to be a romantic relationship, including reasons which are about the value of your friendship to you and doing the best you can to protect everyone's feelings, and to limit bad fallout. You also make clear that if she does put this out there and you don't choose to engage in that kind of relationship, you have every intention of still being her friend as you have been.

That all sounds like good guy stuff, in my book.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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