Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Effects of Asperger's Syndrome on a Relationship?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Effects of Asperger's Syndrome on a Relationship?
fireflyboy
Neophyte
Member # 48124

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fireflyboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, so I found out as of today, that when my girlfriend was younger, she was mis-diagnosed as having ADHD, which she found out recently, was actually Asperger's Syndrome, and I looked on the internet just to see how it can affect a person (It doesn't make me love her any less), but it can have negative issues on relationships, but of course I want to keep this relationship working. This is where I read the information, Asperger's Syndrome - Wikipedia. I know she displays obsessive interests (such as TV), social interacting difficulty etc and I wondered, what are your opinions on this, with determination, can it work? And also, does anyone here have any experience or advice on how to help her with some of these social difficulties and obsessive interests etc that she has?

Edit: Stupid me, I used the wrong word in the title of the thread

[ 10-21-2010, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: fireflyboy ]

Posts: 39 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
By all means, plenty of people with Aspergers have interpersonal and intimate relationships with other people, even though there certainly can be some challenges when it comes to what works for people not an the autism spectrum and for those who are.

One thing to know is that giving very general advice here is only going to be so useful because everyone with Aspergers isn't the same or in the same place with it.

So, my very best advice is to see if you two can't go together to the healthcare provider that made her diagnosis and talk about it as it impacts HER, uniquely.

You "helping" her in the way you're asking sounds like potentially erring on the side of trying to be her therapist, something that isn't appropriate or sound. But that's something else to talk with her healthcare provider about.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

Icon 1 posted      Profile for OWL Dan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Fireflyboy,
My best suggestions for you are: to be helpful is to be yourself, don’t just focus on her needs (expressed or what you think they should be), be true to your needs and desires too, and to talk with her (not to her - as a teacher or counselor) about each others needs and desires when things come up or are not being met. The main thing to remember is that you are a boyfriend, not a counselor; which means to be caring and understanding, and to treat her like you would anyone else. [Smile]

If you want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome, go a more accurate site like Autism Speaks and search “Asperger Syndrome”

--------------------
Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
Activist
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by OWL Dan:
If you want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome, go a more accurate site like Autism Speaks and search “Asperger Syndrome”

Sure, he could do that. Or he could visit a site or blog that doesn't treat autism as something that must be cured, not to mention that whole promoting-the-unevidenced-notion-that-MMR-causes-autism thing. My understanding is that they didn't even have anyone on the autistic spectrum on their board of directors until 2010, and then there were those videos they put out, one of which featured a parent saying they only hadn't murdered their autistic daughter for the sake of their other non-autistic daughter, I'm actually pretty appalled that they would be your site of choice for information about autism.

--------------------
Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

Icon 1 posted      Profile for OWL Dan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Jill2000Plus,

First: Someone else's topic thread is NOT an appropriate place to express your opinions towards one of our staff’s suggestions. “Site Help and Service” would be a better place.

Second: If you could offer a better web site for information on the subject, please do. There is no way I could have known any of the issues going on behind the scenes with this or any other org. I’m not involved with this area as much as you are. Here is another site that I hope is better.

Asperger Syndrome - Kids Health

[ 10-29-2010, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: OWL Dan ]

--------------------
Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kalex
Activist
Member # 43486

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kalex     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, I'm certainly not an expert, but my boyfriend has been diagnosed with Asperger's, so I'll see if I can make myself useful.

I think the important thing to remember is that just because there's been an official diagnosis and everything doesn't mean that you should think of them differently. Everyone has their own unique personality, with strengths and blind spots. It doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong'.

My boyfriend definitely likes talking about films and basically anything to do with acting, similar to your girlfriend. Sometimes it gets a bit confusing when he's talking about this anime thing and that obscure reference, but I try and take an interest. I'm now watching Twin Peaks because of him, and it's awesome.

Aspergers covers a large spectrum, and your girlfriend may be quite different. Sometimes I can tell he's relating to things differently. I know that he isn't great at reading subtle signals in body language, so I try to be honest about what I'm thinking instead of waiting for him to pick up on signals that I'm sending.

Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SidonieAdena
Neophyte
Member # 49815

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SidonieAdena     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergirls/201010/why-people-aspergers-seem-so-awkward-around-others

No idea if this will help at all, but one of my asperger's friends has been singing the praises of this article. While it (like everything) is limited and doesn't fully encompass everyone's experience, but it's a good article.

I also think that it's really, really, really important that you recognize that it's part of who she is; it's not a disease or a problem or something that needs to be cured. I know people who have made that mistake. It's not fun.

Posts: 22 | From: Earth | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
N
Neophyte
Member # 20990

Icon 1 posted      Profile for N         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow. That is a good article, SidonieAdena. I will pipe up and say that that article says pretty much what the people I know with Asperger's say (there are several of them).
Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3