Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My dad

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: My dad
LishyElizabeth
Neophyte
Member # 47452

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LishyElizabeth     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm going through a lot right now, and am under a fair ammount of stress. My dad has been acting horribly, and I just can't deal with him and everything else right now. Besides talking to him (he always starts yelling when people try to talk to him about anything important, and I have this really annoying habit of starting to cry when people yell at me. Its nothing I can stop, my mom reacts the same way) is there anything I could do to deal with him? I'm running out of options.

Thanks,
LishyElizabeth

Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

Icon 1 posted      Profile for OWL Dan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
With situations like yours, many have found having someone to talk things through with can be a get help. Do you have a trusted adult that you may feel comfortable talking with? A school counselor, a leader of an activity you participate in (like a sport or club), or someone from ‘church’ if you are active religiously. They can also be a good referral source too. How is your relationship with your mom, would she be supportive and/or helpful with you trying to seek assistance from a counselor of even a therapist? Your Dr’s office can be a good referral resource too. Counseling has helped me through hard times and, hopefully, someone else may read this and have some suggestions from there own experience too. Let us know if we can be of further assistance. I wish you well.

--------------------
Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LishyElizabeth
Neophyte
Member # 47452

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LishyElizabeth     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm homeschooled, so no counselor, I'm not close to any activity leaders or teachers, and I'm agnostic/aetheist, so no one from church. My relationship with my mom is pretty good. It's a million times better than my relationship with my dad, currently. Except for a few friends and my boyfriend, I'm not all that close to anyone. I do tell everything to my boyfriend, and it helps a lot, but sometimes it's just not enough. There are a few adults who I could *maybe* talk to, but I don't know most of them all that well. I'm not sure that my mom would be helpful/supportive of my seeing a counselor, and there's no way I could see one without her knowing, like I would be able to if I went to a standard school. I don't think she knows just how much all the drama with my dad is bothering me.
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
astrocyte
Activist
Member # 29128

Icon 1 posted      Profile for astrocyte     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
LishyElizabeth, I also have a difficult relationship with my dad (and have the sensitivite -cry-really-easily thing when it comes to conflicts with him). So, virtual empathy-hugs to you. Mine doesn't tend to yell at me though, and I think that kind of yelling you are describing can be quite abusive -and certainly really unhelpful when someone wants to have an important conversation.

You say you don't think your mum realises how hard you're finding this - is it possible for you to explain that to her? What is the relationship like between you two? I've found my mum pretty helpful to talk to about my issues with my dad. She has also done stuff like try to facilitate discussions between us, which has sometimes eased tensions a bit. It could also be worth at least trying to explain to her that you're having a really rough time and that you feel like you would benefit from talking to a counsellor (if that is something that you feel would help).

If that's not possible for you to try as a first option, and you do want to see a counsellor, is cost the main barrier? Heather and/or others on here may be able to direct you to some low-cost services near you - I don't know how insurance and all that stuff works.

Best of luck [Smile]

Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LishyElizabeth
Neophyte
Member # 47452

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LishyElizabeth     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
rosegeranium~ Thank you for the hugs [Smile] I'm actually not sure that talking to a counselor would help all that much. I've had to talk to school counselors before, for unrelated reasons (girls in the sixth grade are cruel), and it hasn't been very helpful. Telling strangers about my problems in a setting like that isn't something that makes me feel comfortable.

I've toyed with the idea of writing him a letter, but I'm not sure it's something he would appreciate and really feel. I don't even know what I would say, honestly. -.-

Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
N
Neophyte
Member # 20990

Icon 1 posted      Profile for N         Edit/Delete Post 
I know this is a bit late, but I do have a thought. You *do* have some close friends and a boyfriend who you can talk to. Try asking *them* if they know any adults that they trust who they think you can trust who you might be able to talk to -- possibly the parents of one of them, possibly someone else. That can sometimes work better than the more "formal" methods of finding help.
Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LishyElizabeth
Neophyte
Member # 47452

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LishyElizabeth     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
N~ Thank you for the idea [Smile] I've toyed with that idea, actually. The director of my homeschool co-op is the mom of one of my best friends and she's completely open and understanding, and another friend's mom is the exact same way. Either of them would be the obvious choice if I wanted/needed to talk to someone who I trusted.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do right now, but since my dad is away on a trip for his work, and he'll be gone for at least a month or so, I'll have some time to work things out and a lot of my stressful, time-consuming commitments will be over by then and I'll hopefully be a lot more relaxed. Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions. You've all helped immensely [Smile]

~LishyElizabeth~

Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3