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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » friends with benefits

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Author Topic: friends with benefits
borghese
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Member # 49188

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Hi,

I'm bestfriends with my bestfriend's ex boyfriend.

Before he became one of my bestfriends, I had a tiny crush on him - we'd been in some play together in highschool. He came to my birthday party, and he was introduced to my friend. They ended up dating for around four months. He broke up with her on Valentine's Day because he was still in love with someone who lived far away. She was pretty torn up about this...and because she didn't have another boyfriend after that for four years it kind of stuck with her.

I've continued my friendship with him, though since she is away a lot I don't know if she knows how strong our bond is. I never really talk about him to her.

So here is where the problem comes in: He kissed me. We made out. We talked about things and noted that a romantic relationship is definitely not what we're looking for. Is there a physical aspect to the platonic friendship? Yes. Should we continue it? ... Is it wrong?

Posts: 35 | From: CA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lucidkitty
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Member # 49104

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Only you can decide that. Do you feel emotionally ready for a FWB situation? How are you going to feel if you fall for him hard and he really just wants to remain friends or vice versa? You should think about all these things very hard before you enter into it. Often times people forget that it can be hard to remain detached when you are so intimate with one person, and a lot of times one person falls hard and get hurt But if you think you can handle it then go for it chicka, be safe and have fun =).

[ 10-01-2010, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: lucidkitty ]

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borghese
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Well, I've been in a FWB relationship before and it didn't work out well -- though I wasn't expecting it to. This time around I have my bestfriend who was in a relationship with him...and my bestfriend who wants to do FWB...so really the question is more about...me and her and less about him and me because I know where FWB relationships can lead, but not when there's another person in the mix.
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OWL Dan
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I understand that your main question is about how this FWB situation might affect you relationship with your bestfriend (the girl). If I am correct, have you considered talking with her? Talking things over never hurts as much as getting caught off guard. You might start with his still being your friend and see how she reacts. Depending on how things go, you may have to do some thiking about what you truly want the most long term.

--------------------
Dan

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lucidkitty
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Well if it didn't work well do you feel this would still be right for you? And i mean i don't see how upset she would be since it was 4 years ago and for so short of a time. But you could always ask her. You have to put thought into what is important to you, if it will bother her enough to affect your relationship can you live with that, is it right to consider her feeling when the time they dated was so short and long ago and as you admitted you are not sure how your relationship stand,etc etc. I would talk to her and see what she thinks about all of this first, and then go from there.

[ 10-02-2010, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: lucidkitty ]

Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
borghese
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Thanks.
Posts: 35 | From: CA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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