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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » communication, responsibility, LDRs

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Author Topic: communication, responsibility, LDRs
she21
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Member # 49095

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help? i've been with my current boyfriend in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year now. what started off as a study abroad fling pretty quickly developed into something more and we both love one another very much.

however, i'm beginning to feel like we're at very different stages in our lives. i'm a senior in college. he's slightly older but going into his second year. he still likes to party and usually goes out drinking at least twice a week. i don't really have an issue with it except for it's been beginning to take a toll on our relationship, as he'll sleep through skype dates or be very tired or hungover. also, he came to visit me this past summer and my mom offered to loan him money for flights. he promised me he would pay her pack promptly, but still hasn't paid back a single cent, 3 months later. he tells me he hasn't had time to get to the bank or that his financial situation is tough, but he parties a lot and spends his weekends getting high, so he clearly has free time and cash.

to make matters worse, if i try to bring up an issue like this to talk about he completely shuts me out. he'll hang up on me or tell me that i only ever have complaints about him. i'm trying very hard to keep us together, but i'm beginning to wonder why i keep overlooking all these issues. to his credit, he is incredibly sweet and passionate and there are many things i love about him. but i'm tired of feeling like i need to be the responsible one all the time. i want a boyfriend not a child to look after and remind about things.

Posts: 1 | From: new york | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Natalie H
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Well it's certainly valid to want to be in a relationship with someone more responsible. And the fact that he wont have these discussions that are important to you isn't good. In fact, it seems very immature on his part to avoid these issues, refusing to take responsibility and instead turn the tables to make YOU seem like the bad guy.

I think that what's happened here is you entered a relationship, definitely not considering these kind of problems since you weren't planning on making it a serious relationship, and now over time you can see some faults in it.

I think that some of these things could be worked on and fixed, but only if he is willing to be part of that process. It takes effort for both sides to talk about problems in a relationship, and even more effort for both sides to work on those problems. I suggest you try to broach the subject again, explaining to him that this is a major concern to you.

If he isn't willing to try and work through these problems or even be respectful enough to listen to the things that are troubling you, then it's up to you to decide if these issues are deal breakers. Although there may be many things you absolutely love about him, it's completely acceptable that this is something you absolutely can not tolerate.

--------------------
Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

Posts: 118 | From: Houston | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lucidkitty
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Member # 49104

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He does sound a bit immature actually. I would tell him you feel these issues are very important to you and he needs to hear you out [Smile] . If he refuses to listen then it might just be time to move on.
Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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