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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Get this Guy of my Mind!

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Author Topic: Get this Guy of my Mind!
MarissaTay
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Member # 47854

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I have recently been seeing a guy & I have really developed feelings for him.
We have made out & have almost gone all the way, a couple of times.
See my problem is this, I still have feelings for another guy that I had a crush on 4 years ago; this guy & I were never together & he never new I liked him, although everytime we talked, touched or made eye contact there was this very intense connection. Now the problem with this is that I feel like I cant be with this guy I am seeing now, because I have I have these intense, deep feelings for this guy in my past; but with that in mind, I really like this guy too!
What can I do to get over this other guy from my past? Please someone help me, these feelings have affected previous relationship opportunities for me as well. [Frown]

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Love All,

MarissaTay

Posts: 6 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Crushes are generally about people's ideals about someone, rather than about who that person actually is and what they are really like. To have it be the latter, we have to actually be involved with that person.

So, these feelings for that person, if you were never involved -- am I understanding that right? -- probably are not actually very deep at all, since depth of feeling like that tends to require some real interaction.

That given, want to kind of fill us in on what seemed so great to you about this other guy? The feelings you do have, were they mostly about feelings of physical attraction? If so, have you felt that strongly attracted to others since?

[ 07-10-2010, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MarissaTay
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Well the attraction I felt for him was always much more than just physical, it was who he was as a person & how he treated me. The way I feel about him is much more than just physical attraction & that is why everytime a new relationship oppotunity presents itself, I keep finding these feelings for him to intense to ignore, so I just cant be with anyone else & yet I have no intention on acting on them.
I'm sure that if I got back in contact with him, we would find ourselves in a relationship, although Im afraid to get my heart broken.
I have felt attracted to others since & it felt the same, only those feelings sub sided farely quickly & my feelings for him would soon after return.

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Love All,

MarissaTay

Posts: 6 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay, so I think I may be missing pieces here.

You say you were never involved, but you're talking about the way he treated you. You also are voicing fears that if you got into contact, you'd probably enter into a relationship, but that you fear heartbreak.

So, could you maybe clue me in some on what kind of relationship you two did have, since it's now sounding like you did have one? or why you would not WANT to be in relationship with this person you express having such strong feelings for?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MarissaTay
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Of course we had an relationship, but it never was anything more than friends, but it was always very flirty & in a way loving but never anything physicaly or exclusively happened between us, we just never acknowledged anything, but I felt it & I could see he felt it too.
When I mentioned I was worried about getting my heart broken, I meant by going back to him knowing what I wanted & felt, to find he did not want or feel the same.

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Love All,

MarissaTay

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay, so here's the $30,000 question: if you could have a romantic relationship with this person, is THAT who you'd want to be with instead of anyone you are with right now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MarissaTay
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Yes! Absolutely, but I dont think it is possible, as I have recently moved & he is now more than 1hr from me.

I really just want to get him out of my system, thats what I really want, then nothing will be a problem & I can see people closer to me.

Do you have any idea on how I could get over him, any techniques or previous experience that you may have?

I honestly love him so much, but in this circumstance love is just not enough [Frown]

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Love All,

MarissaTay

Posts: 6 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's pretty tricky to get over someone if you want something with them you're avoiding asking for or seeking out. Same goes for accepting/engaging in a relationship with someone when you'd much rather be with someone else.

Sounds to me like if what you really want is to get over any ideas about him and time hasn't taken care of that like you might need to talk about these feelings with him so you can have some resolution and get some answers for yourself about how you both feel and stand.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MarissaTay
Neophyte
Member # 47854

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You know what, I think I will definately get in contact with him, these feelings I feel for him are to strong for me to just get rid of or forget about, couldn't exactly do anything about for the last years anyway lol.

But maybe if we just discuss things & just see were everything goes, then who knows what could happen.

Thank you for all your advice on this question, you are providing a fantastic & much needed service.

Thanks Again [Smile]

P.S. I'll let you know how everything goes [Smile]

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Love All,

MarissaTay

Posts: 6 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sure thing, glad to be of help. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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