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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I Feel Like My Ex and I Broke up for no reason

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Author Topic: I Feel Like My Ex and I Broke up for no reason
manifesto
Neophyte
Member # 47672

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Hey I'm not sure how comfortable I am posting here but I'm just hoping this will make me feel better.

My girlfriend of 14 months broke up with me 4 weeks ago but I still feel like we should have stayed together. We never fought, never got on each others nerves and have similar interests (we're both musicians, she's actually going to university next year for music and I'm one of the main songwriters in my band). She was the first girl I ever slept with and I really care about her.


The over the last like 5-6 months we rarley saw each other (got to the point of like once a month) because she was practicing for her university audition then I had to study for exams the month after. I tried my best to hang out with her but she was always busy with work or school (she took a 5th year of high school while I went to university so our schedules were messed up). I figured by June everything would work out schedule wise with her school being over and we could go back hanging out a lot more, but she broke up with me the first week of June 'cause she felt like we were growing apart and the spark was gone.

I'm just really really frustrated because it feels like we've done nothing wrong. There wasn't any fights, any drama, any anything. We gave each other space and neither of us was clingy. She said she's still really wants to be friends and everything ended on good terms, but every time I've talked to her (only like twice these last 4 weeks) I just feel like shit afterwards and really miss her.


I just want to have her back or forget about her (preferably the first option). Both seem impossible. She was the longest relationship I had (and vice versa) and the first girl I slept with so I figure thats part of the reason I feel like this. Atleast if we fought or she was a bitch or like there was something NEGATIVE besides not being able to see each other for a few months this breakup would make more sense to me. But it just seems like we should still be together.


What should I do?

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm sorry about your breakup, manifesto.

It sounds to me like your ex felt that this just wasn't the relationship for her. By all means, it sounds like it was a healthy relationship, but a relationship being healthy doesn't always mean it's wanted, or that one particular kind of relationship -- like a romance and/or sexual relationship -- feels right to everyone involved. And when that's the case, it often doesn't mean anyone did something wrong, just that someone (or both someones) became clear that they didn't feel a certain thing or their feelings changed.

If talking to her right now is making you feel crappy, how about taking some more time apart so that you can have time to grieve and move on? Then, after you have had that time, you can better figure out if YOU want a friendship with her and if that's something that you think will make you feel good, not lousy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hottytottie
Neophyte
Member # 47572

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I'm sorry you're hurting.

It sounds like you two just grew apart, as she stated. That's no one's fault, these things happen especially when you're both at a critical period in your life. It's her every right to focus on her future, as you should on yours. It isn't fair that you still want to be with her and have made the efforts, but in the long run it is a good idea to focus on yourself and your schooling. If you two are in the same place one day, it might be able to work out. From what you described, it sounds like she's been extremely focused on getting into school and wants to excel.

Maybe take some time and focus your energies on your goals and where you want to go. Give her some space to determine if this is really where she wants to go, by not contacting her at all it might help her realize she misses you. But, for the time being you should focus on yourself.

On a side note, just because couples fight does not make their relationship rocky or problematic. When couples fight, if they are able to work through it, it strengthens their bond and allows them to work through things more easily when more important fights or conflicts arise.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(We always want to try and clarify here that by definition, "fighting" suggests people are combative. Fights and disagreements or conflicts aren't the same thing. Fighting is one way people can react or behave when there are disagreements or conflicts, but fighting isn't the only way to work through conflict or disagreements, and often isn't the most effective or healthiest way.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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