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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Fear of commitment

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Author Topic: Fear of commitment
Member # 47611

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I just turned 24 and recently met my second boyfriend (and it's a long-distance relationship). My first was at University, and we decided before we started going out that we would end the relationship when we graduated. So with this new guy, it is my first open-ended relationship and I am completely terrified.

I have been desperately trying to identify exactly what it is that freaks me out (freaked out to the point where I'll just close off completely and be crying and can't talk to him or move or anything). He knows I have this fear and is being very patient and understanding about it, but I don't know how to explain it to him any better, I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like this is about him, because he's wonderful and I feel a real connection with him.

I'm afraid that maybe its because I'm too worried that other people won't approve (why should that matter to me??), he's shorter than me and I don't know.. I can't figure out what I'm thinking. I know that part of it is that I don't want to get stuck in a situation that I can't get out of if it turns out to not be right for me.

This is not not the first time this commitment issue has arisen. I have never had a job that I didn't have a good reason to get out of it lined up before I even started (or I found one pretty quickly), and I'm pretty sure that the only reason I was okay with my first bf was because I knew when it was going to end.. I didn't feel sad or anything when we did.

I really don't want to go through my entire life alone like this, and I really do need a career. Are the two linked, am I over reacting, and should I just keep trying to chill out and take things as they come?

Many thanks

[ 06-25-2010, 05:37 AM: Message edited by: Froom ]

Posts: 1 | From: London | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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