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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » honesty and parents

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Author Topic: honesty and parents
naive_90
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Member # 45272

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so i am sexually active with my boyfriend and i would like to get on birth control. my parents are very.... uptight? i dont know if that would be the right word. they just seem to hold me to a really high standard. My mother told me i was messing up when i got 2 B's. Im in college and i think they are really disappointed in me already becuase i dont do excactly what THEY want anymore.

I have only had one sexual partner, my boyfriend who i met at school, and have been dating for over a year. I waited a year before we had sex

My mother was suspicious of me being sexually active way before we acutally did anything. she asked me if i was pregnant twice over winter break. i was mortified, becuase both times she did it in front of multiple family members. She also announced in front of family and neighbors that she caught me making out with my boyfriend once, was afraid i was having sex. i told her i wasnt, and she said she felt bad for my boyfriend then. according to her i guess i was just giving him blue balls.

thats my mother, but lately i feel like my father is really dissapointed in me. He doesnt really talk to me much anymore. We used to be really close when i was in high high school.

So that is why i am really afraid to talk to my family about starting the pill. im afraid that they will be really mad and upset with me and think im some whore. I know my mother didnt wait. She had me before she was married, when she was 22.

i just dont want them to dislike me even more.

Posts: 34 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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It's always great if you can be honest with your parents, but sometimes that isn't possible, and if you feel like they'd not react well to you wanting hormonal birth control, then you can choose not to inform them.

Is there a reason you feel you need to tell them? If you're counting on their insurance to help pay for the pill, there are other options - you can see if your college has a student health plan which will cover some of the costs, or go to a clinic like Planned Parenthood which has a sliding scale for fees and where you may be able to get the pill for a lower price.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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YourLadyship
Activist
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I'm sorry to hear this [Frown] I had strict parents, too. I was just very frank with my mother about going on the pill. I told her I wanted to be safe because I cannot afford or tend to having a baby at the time. Once she knew I was being safe, she was all for it. I think she liked that I was taking responsibility for myself. You can try that route [Smile]

If that doesn't work, you can try your school's health center or planned parenthood for consultation and birth control options. I know tons of girls in college who looked to PP to obtain birth control because their parents would flip. Plus, it's inexpensive.

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xoxoxo.

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naive_90
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Member # 45272

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thanks for the advice. I just know my mother will probably flip a lid. i dont know if its better have them flip, and get used to it, or keep it a secret. its always been really hard to lie to them, but most of the time i feel like i have to. I just wish i could be honest with them (at least my mother).
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I actually find the way your mother has already talked or intimated about your sex life or relationship really disrespectful.

I like to give people's parents here the benefit of the doubt, but from the sounds of things, it sounds like your mother has a hard time handling any of this -- without even talking about it with you -- in a way that's respectful and with maturity.

Either way, you should be honest if you want to do that, but it also sounds like before you are, you might want to have a conversation about how she has been talking about some of this already, and how that has made you feel. You can certainly also let her know that things like saying the things she has publicly just isn't okay, not does it make you feel safe in talking with her about any of this.

[ 05-23-2010, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
naive_90
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Member # 45272

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thanks heather. I couldnt hold hands with my boyfriend in public for the longest time without feeling guilty. in high school mother would point out a girl about my age holding hands with boys and say she was a slut becuase "if they are holding hands in public, imagine what they are doing in private." its ridiculous.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That's really unfortunate. A comment like that also seems to be pretty strange if she's saying the other things you're saying. It sounds like your mother probably has some sexuality issues of her own to work out, which is not unusual: a lot of parents haven't worked out their own issues, and then project them unto their kids or other people.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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