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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Whose responsibility?

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Author Topic: Whose responsibility?
fuchsia0flower
Neophyte
Member # 19971

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Is it wrong to fool around with a guy if you know he has a girlfriend? In my case, I don't know the girlfriend, she's miles away, but I do know she exists. I don't think its my responsibility to prevent this guy from cheating on her...if it wasn't with me, it would be with someone else...I mean, I'm not the one being unfaithful. What do you guys think?
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TAB
Activist
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Put yourself in her shoes and consider how you would feel if it were happening to you. It's a real eye opener.
Posts: 68 | From: right...behind...you... | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ijustwannaknow
Neophyte
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true, it would be someone else if it wasnt you. but think about if yove been cheated on..would you wanna be the type of girl who puts someone through this? no. leave it to soemone else to be an ******* .
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celery
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Just because you don't know her and she's miles away doesn't mean that she doesn't exist. You're just helping this guy get away with being a jerk, Like the others said, how would you feel if you were the girl being cheated on?
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Michelle Ravel
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But putting the focus back on you: you're right. It isn't you doing the cheating. Staying faithful is his responsibility.

BUT. If he's that much of a jerk--I mean, think about it, he's cheating on his girlfriend here--why would you really want to fool around with him in the first place?


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logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
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quote:
It isn't you doing the cheating.

Right. On the other hand, you are "aiding and abetting" him in cheating. He's behaving badly, so why involve yourself in that?

(And why imagine that he's not going to treat you in equally deceitful and unfair ways?)


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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(And just as a note: generally, setting yourself up as a passive element in any sexual situation is a pretty bad idea. Seems like an easy way out, perhaps, in a situation like this, but you're still present and participating, and if you're not, if someone is simply "doing things to you," no matter the sitch, it's time to re-evaluate, for a million reasons.)
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gubblebum
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It is not totally his responsibility, regardless if you know the girl or not. It takes two to tango.

Besides, if he's willing to cheat on this other girl with you, who's to say that he wouldn't cheat on you too?


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...not that also being cheated on doesn't matter much.

It's a bit like saying that, for instance, if I know someone who hits someone else, endorsing them in doing so is somehow okay if they're not hitting me.

Certainly, people intimate those sorts of things, but that approach is remarkably self-absorbed and noncompassionate.

Indirectly hurting someone else, or participating in what hurts them simply put IS still hurting them, even if you don't know them. And, not to be crass, but for a lay? Which is basically available to anyone if you're going to be this indiscriminate? Oy.


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lizzygs
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i think you have to decide what is right for you. people can tell you whether they view his cheating as something you should feel bad about or not, but the real question is how do you feel about it?

one of my friends looks at it this way: for her it's not a moral issue because it never gets to that point. she says she could never be the person who is second to someone else, which, if someone fools around with you but continues to return to that girlfriend is what you are.


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trashyflowers
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my question is are you just in for this for the fooling around? i mean he has a girlfriend, one he may be cheating on, but if she were there he'd probably want to be with her than you. why do you want someone who would cheat on their girlfriend rather than dump her to be with you? i think it's a gross thought that he's here cheating and when he goes over to visit with his girlfriend he's gonna be with her, then come back and be with you. in my opinion if you in this just for the fooling around, find someone who's single, so that no one gets hurt. if your in this to be with him.. well come one he would have dumped her if it was you he wanted. i think it's unfair that your with him, and she's with him, and he's with both of you.

so it's his responsibility to not cheat, but it's your responsibility to respect yourself and i think all woman's responsiblity to respect one another.

[This message has been edited by trashyflowers (edited 12-12-2004).]


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angieveezed
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Hey...I'm really curious as to how this scenario had actually turned out (years later)...Is the person who posted initially still on here?

I'm in a very similar situation and trying to evaluate my options...Will elaborate more if need be.

Thanks

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Angie, I haven't seen that user around in quite some time.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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