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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » whose right here?

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Author Topic: whose right here?
Member # 47037

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Yesterday my boyfriend was in a big crew race and of course I was going to go, but he didn't tell me what time he was going to race, then he said somewhere around 3, so at like 1:30 im on the bus and he's texting me "You missed my race how come you weren't there?" then he kept bugging me to change into shorts. He seemed to get better about the whole me missing his race thing but I still thought that was annoying. It only took 2 trains and a bus then a 3 mile walk to get there.

we're both musicians and yesterday he kept talking badly about how I play. I practice alot and honestly put all my heart into it, I spend alot of time trying to get better and even made it into my college jazz band, i'm just never good enough for him, and yeah he's better then me but its not something I wanted to hear. He kept saying "If you only listened to me when I told you to do blah blah blah blah" So I got upset and started crying, earlier I had gotten in a fight with my mom and this just wasn't what I needed. So I told him to leave me alone and he goes on this big thing how I'm moody and how I got to have a spoiled childhood (i didn't) and blah blah and he was only trying to help me improve myself
. So I end up apologizing! And now i'm wondering if I even did the right thing, maybe I should have stuck up better for myself but he was like "I was just trying to help you I didn't know it would a big deal". I kinda feel like he doesn't support me enough but then maybe I was just upset about my mom too.

Posts: 23 | From: West Chester, Pa. | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love to love
Member # 45991

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I used to have similar problems with my boyfriend, about saying sorry when I didn't feel like I needed too. Usually I ended up wishing I would have spoken up about how I felt instead of letting it turn on me. Because it honestly all came out later on. So just tell him how you feel if he tries to make it your problem, just tell him you want to get out how you feel and you need to get it all out, or things wont get better.

Also He should be telling you where to make improvments, not pointing out your flaws. You should tell him you appreciate him trying to help, but tell him not to point out the flaws, tell him to tell you how or where you can approve. It's more of a positive way to go about it. And he needs to respect your choices of wanting to be left alone, because if he doesn't and you're still upset you might say something you don't mean, or he might, ya know?

But it just sounds like you need to communicate better with him.. Just sit down and have a nice talk with him.

[ 05-16-2010, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: Kacie710 ]

Posts: 115 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Rita, I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been going so well for you and your partner.

It's never okay for a partner to criticize and put you down like that. If you ask for his opinion and he gives some constructive criticism, that's one thing. But he is offering his opinion without prompting, is putting you down rather than offering advice, and then accusing you of being moody and spoiled when you get hurt by his inappropriate behaviour. That's not very caring or respectful of him.

I've got to say that between this, and some things we've talked about in another thread, this guy is really raising red flags for me. He does not sound like a very loving partner, and I wonder whether this relationship is healthy for you. How do YOU feel about this relationship? Does it meet your needs? What are some ways in which you feel like this relationship is positive for you?

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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