Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Feeling..insecure?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Feeling..insecure?
Seahorse
Neophyte
Member # 46588

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Seahorse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Not sure if this is a topic you normaly answer to but I just found this site the otherday and thought it would be a good chance to get an oppinion on my problems.

The thing is the people Im around, at my school and in my class. I resently came to the concluion that none of my so-called friends really care about me. None of them truly know me and they don't care. Im always the last person to be concidered (out of both groups, a large group consisting of about 10 people, girls and a few boys then a small group of just two girls..sometimes 3 (not including myself in that count)) it's holidays at the moment and i've thought about it alot, possibly too much, but i will see everyone again in about 4 days im not sure what i should do. i don't particuly want to confront them..or do i? i have thought about just giving everyone the cold shoulder and be a loner for the rest of the year, but thats 3/4 of the year. I do have good friends, best friends that i could never replace but they all go to different schools as me, we still catch up in fact im going to a birthday party..tommorow and they will all be there =) 5/6 of those girls i haven't seen for 4 months, i know that because none of them have seen my short hair yet ^.^ but i know them and i would trust them with my life even. we are inseprable, but the prople at my school i couldnt even trust them with a harmless secret as it would almost without a doubt turn into some kind of gossip against me. Im one of those people who dont fit in. i like computer games and anime - everyone thinks of it in a bad way the reason? i cant fathom why but i know when people first look at me they just throw assumtions in my face and reject me, mind you these aren't the kind of people i would want to be friends with. i feel im getting off topic... i guess my real question is what do i do about the people im around. i dont have a choise to pick and choose friends because at this school there is no one like me, even people who were my friends for the past 2 years (all the time i have been here) are growing more and more distant from me. everyone only seem to be my friend when they want to be. throwing in 1 piece of kindness every now and again so i think we are still friends.

So what should I do I can't think of anything and i only have 3 days before my nightmare will become realised. [Frown]

--------------------
Destiny is the story of all life, written at the end of time.

Posts: 11 | From: Australia, Victoria | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Seahorse, welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

This sounds like a hard place to be in: I'm sure these people do care about you in their own ways, but it sounds like right now they're seeking some distance as they develop their identities further. I don't mean to chalk it up to age, but that's actually pretty common (if ow! painful) in school when you're 13, like you are now. Just as you're finding people with your shared interests outside of school, they're probably developing closer friendships with new (or old) people, too. That said, I can almost guarantee there are people in that same old group of friends who are feeling the same way you are! And those who are unfriendly are probably just having their own insecurities show, if you know what I mean?

I say don't automatically "dump" them unless you want to (and it's your call on attending the party.) However, I'd work on expanding your circle of friends to include some new people at your school, as well as connecting more with those outside of school. You can see how things go with time but chances are that you'll feel much happier and more comfortable with your group of friends (whomever they are) at this time next year. It can be hard at times but that's some hope. [Smile]

How does that sound? Also, here are some articles that may interest you:
Life Lessons from the Third Stall on the Left
To Be... AWESOME or Just Be –– Tips on Making the Most of Your Life Right Now!
Can Bosom Buddies Be Bad?
In the Shadow of my sister
My friends are prettier than me and it's making me miserable

(Those last few aren't quite directly related to your situation but I think you can apply a lot of the advice to other types of friendships challenges, too.)

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Seahorse
Neophyte
Member # 46588

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Seahorse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanx for the advice, but i still kinda don't know what to do.i cant edactly just go and make more friends because they arnt, like, my type if you know what i mean. pretty much everyother girl is either 'one of those popular people' or a girly-girl or both (not meaning to be offencive to anyone) and i seem to be (as we call it) a back-up friend because im just that, one of though people others only hang out with when their main group of friend (or friend) is unavalible. and even when i go to hang out with them i always end up sitting on the sidelines with nothing to say. i mean, all the people who i liked remotely all seem to be neglecting me, like im not good enough. not good enough to be their friend. not the right sence of humor, not the right personality. and i love who i am, maby not when i look at my photos but i woulnt change for them yet i want to fit it. i dont think its a case of whos prettier, i certainly dont think of it like that (but thanks for the articals anyway) oh and the party thats with my best friends from my old school.

--------------------
Destiny is the story of all life, written at the end of time.

Posts: 11 | From: Australia, Victoria | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
naplement
Activist
Member # 46362

Icon 1 posted      Profile for naplement     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
this might be a naive question, but what about finding friends outside your school? do you have acces to any kind of activities with people of your age who aren't going to the same school and might have similar interests?
Posts: 124 | From: hungary | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Seahorse
Neophyte
Member # 46588

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Seahorse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i do hockey i have one new sorta friends there ^.^ yesterday at the party i found out that one of my good friends (b-day girl) new her cause they went to the same school and she was invited it was kinda funny - the problem is even if i make great friends outside of school (which i have done) i never realy see them outside the activity. i met alot of new girls at the party who were very nice and would love to be firends with them but i think the real problem is my accual friends AT school because they are the ones i see everyday i could have 50 friends from outside school but it wouldnt particuly solve the situation if you know what i mean.

--------------------
Destiny is the story of all life, written at the end of time.

Posts: 11 | From: Australia, Victoria | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Seahorse, you've gotten a few suggestions now for dealing with this. I know it can be frustrating and there are sometimes just times when our friendship situation is not as we'd wish it. However, you just try different things and see how it goes. If you're not finding our suggestions to be possibilities, I'd suggest you ask people closer to you, like your parents or even teachers, for ideas on how to approach this. [Smile]
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
naplement
Activist
Member # 46362

Icon 1 posted      Profile for naplement     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
personal note, somewhat parallel with the question:

it's so strange to see how problematic can be for people to meet, for physical/urbanistic reasons. (I live in a region whitout the tradition of building suburbs, and when I was a kid, I could just go out by feet and meet whomever I wanted).

I'd like to recommend you the book "Jane Jacobs: The life and death of great american cities" to show, that this kind of life is just a style among many possible, and that if you aren't finding your place in it at the moment, this doesn't mean that you can't be adapted in the world as a whole: your conditions are particular and not universal.

(ok, this came out strange... i just wanted to say that don't generalize things and rush into dark conclusions just because you're incompatible with your classmates.)

Posts: 124 | From: hungary | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3