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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » HELP, OLD CONTACT PROBLEMS

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Author Topic: HELP, OLD CONTACT PROBLEMS
concerned404
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Member # 40413

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So, I cheated on my boyfriend because of terrible, confusing circumstances many months ago (alone, long distance, relationship problems, suave compatible stranger). In the whirlwind afterward, I was still in contact with the person with whom I cheated because I had convinced myself (wrong!) that I loved him and had something special with him (I now think reality was closer to delusion and stockholm-esque thinking).

After I got my wits about me, thanks to LOTS AND LOTS of counseling for major depression,(this took several months) I told my boyfriend about what had happened, and he forgave me. Our relationship in the meantime and since then has been great, and we'll probably end up getting married someday.

I was in contact with the other person because I was confused and, ironically, didn't want him to feel used (even though he was the one who pressured me). I had broken off contact with the person with whom I had cheated and told him how badly off I was, how depressed I was, and how my psychologist thought breaking off contact would help me deal with this.

And I started feeling MUCH better. Still feel sick and terrible about the whole thing, but at least making progress.

BUT today the guy I cheated with contacted me via email (just saying he misses me), and I don't know what to do. I think I should just ignore it. But on the other hand, I am VERY tempted just to write "Please do not contact me, for my wellbeing." I'm afraid if I don't acknowledge that he sent something he'll send me letters or do something like forward the emails or letters I sent to him to my boyfriend (the one I cheated on and who has since forgiven me).

My boyfriend knows that I was really wrong-headed when all of that happened and after that, but he didn't know the extent to which I was in contact with that person after all of it (by the time I told him, I had severed contact, though).

I told the other guy a lot of things I didn't mean and was confused about, because he kept pressuring me by sending me really lovey-dovey post cards and saying that the last girl he hooked up with just abandoned him and used him. I was really stupid and said things I shouldn't have because I was confused (like "I love you" and "our connection is really special"). Ugh, we got along, but I was really confused and messed up. The whole thing disgusts me and I am really ashamed, but now I am trying to move forward and I need to figure out how to handle this most recent contact. HELP PLEASE!

Posts: 17 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
concerned404
Neophyte
Member # 40413

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And, to clarify a bit, I've been struggling to figure out whether I was raped or not, because there was definitely coercion involved; I verbally consented but I think it was probably obvious that I wasn't totally there. That guy pursued me aggresively at a time when he KNEW I was very vulnerable (because we had talked about how rough a time I was having with work, being alone, and with my bf). But, I was also guilty of spending time with him and confiding in him even though I knew how interested he was, so its definitely a borderline case. [Frown] [Frown] [Frown] [Frown] All in all, I have been and am moving on, but the fact that he contacted me is bringing back a lot of anxiety, unhappiness, and profound guilt and shame.
Posts: 17 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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