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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What can I do?

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Author Topic: What can I do?
Dxwn
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Hello...My boyfriend and I of two years are very happy together..we spend plenty of time together, and are very deeply in love. However, we are both in a College program, where we attend a community college for the last two years of high school, completing both a high school diploma and associate degrees. So, we don't get much contact with old friends. My problem is, my boyfriend hangs out with his guy friends, and sometimes goes out and hangs out with other friends, without me. Whenever on these outings, he doesn't talk to me, call me, text me, or let me know about anything. Just this weekend, he's had a few get togethers with friends, and I had to call him this morning for him to talk to me. He's got some depression issues, so I WANT him to go and hang out with his other friends. It just really bothers me that he can't acknowledge that I am his girlfriend(even though I understand he is shy at times)..and that when these times come up, I'm hardly invited, and I'm practically invisible when he's there or out. He told me once that he's still adjusting to being a boyfriend..and I understand that..but I'd appreciate a little effort overall..he does do some things, like random little gifts and such..but I want to be involved, and not feel ignored. We've talked about this before, but he still has a hard time doing it. Now, I'm not even talking about talking constantly when he's with friends. At least ONE text every once and awhile, to show that he realizes I'm still alive..you know? I love him dearly..and he loves me..does anyone have any ideas of how I can deal with this?
Posts: 104 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hey Dxwn, this sounds really rough. I'd say that two years is MORE than enough time to "adjust" to having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's one thing if he just doesn't talk about your relationship much with others and another if he's hiding it. It's tricky because the amount of contact two partners want can vary and it can take some compromise. However, it sounds like you two just may not be so compatible? What do you think?
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Dxwn
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it's not really that he ignores me on purpose, but that he just gets so into activities that he forgets to check his phone. he's always been there for me, and he's trying to compromise(we just started talking again after i posted)..we're compatible, most definetly. he's definetly been getting better. ive expressed to him how much it hurts me..and he's willing to change and try. i suppose i just didnt expect that drastic of a relapse on the road to change?
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Ecofem
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Well, Dxwn, you should so whatever feels right to you. It's a bit confusing for me when I see you post something like your first message and then a follow-up like this. I mean, it's fine, but I really can't tell if you're overreacting or he's being crappy, you know? I would agree that people can make little changes to their habits to be more thoughtful but major behavioral changes, especially for the sake of a relationship, are extremely rare. I don't know which camp you two fall into, but it sounds like you've worked it out for now and I'm glad to hear that. If this keeps coming up, however, I'd recommend revisiting what each of you want, what you can give, what you can compromise on, and what you can't.
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longlost
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In my experiences, there's nothing wrong with him going out with his friends and not texting you-- he shouldn't have to text you back, hes having a good time out. however, what is he hiding? why can't you go? why can't he share what he did? after two years these things should not be an issue for him if you two are as close and happy as you claim.
Posts: 23 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dxwn
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yeah. i know he doesn't have to. its not required. he shares, but sometimes he's just so into his friends, he has a difficult time making time for me. we're both in hardships, so we cant go out much..but he does alot with his friends, and i just want the same, you know?
Posts: 104 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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