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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Notoriously confused

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Author Topic: Notoriously confused
Member # 45026

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I've been having many problems recently relating this boy. He's great. He makes me laugh, is a complete gentlemen and is always very polite and nice to me. I thought he was perfect. But of course he isn't. My best friend told me that her friend said this guy is a raver,possibly does ecstasy and usually makes out with random girls at raves. She is a very reliable source because this girl is a very close friend of his. So naturally, I heard this and completely sunk in sorrow. We aren't technically dating, er, we're not exclusive. But this still hurts me. It makes me feel like he has this life I know nothing about and just puts an act on for me. I have a reason to be upset, right? I mean, If I hadn't heard this from my friend I doubt he would've told me. Trust is a really big thing for me. On one hand I think he's slime and a jerk but on the other hand, I still see him as the nice guy who made me a bracelet to commemorate our upcoming first date (it says summer[when i'm not a freshman and he's a senior]). I plan on talking to him about it but I'm sort of doubting that. If I'm straight forward and flat out ask him he might get offended but if I don't we might make a good couple. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to start up that kind of conversation with him.

"No one has a right to consume happiness without producing it."- Helen Keller

Posts: 13 | From: Arizona | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, no one is perfect, and when we're just getting to know someone, we'll often be in an ongoing process of finding out more and more about them. And few of us put out EVERYTHING about us to someone new right away. By all means, sometimes that can be about someone withholding things in a crappy way, but sometimes it's a matter of them first needing to build more trust with you.

I don't know what the real-deal is here, but I'd always be open to the possibility that even if someone knows someone well, somewhere in the chain of passed-on information like this, someone may also have their own agenda. Know what I mean?

I'd also try and watch your judgments: why would he be a "slime and a jerk" for going to parties, for casually making out, and possibly for doing recreational drugs? While you may not be on board with those things -- and you get not to be, everyone does -- do any of them suggest he's not being a good person? That he's treating someone poorly?

I do think you'll want to talk to him, given your feelings. How about opening with something like, "I've been troubled because someone told me some things about you that I don't know are true or not, but I'm concerned about them either way. What I was told was that..." and then take it from there?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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