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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Wondering....

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Author Topic: Wondering....
Houston46
Neophyte
Member # 33878

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So I've been doing a little introspection lately. And I've realized I think about guys. A lot. Not just sex, but in general, a lot of my time is spent thinking about relationships. Whether I'm in one or not. Like, when I'm in a relationship, I think about it a lot. And if I break up, I think about my last relationship a lot. And either way, I'm thinking about it a lot. I haven't had a long period of time where I'm not focused on guys in some way or another. And I just wanted an opinion on that. Is it normal? Is it a sign that I need to space out my relationships more?

More specifically, I'm dating a guy right now. We're not in a relationship or anything, we're pretty casual. I'm very over my last boyfriend. I don't resent him or anything and I don't have feelings for him anymore. And that was true before I started going out with this guy. So it's not a rebound. But there was only about a month in between the two, and I'm wondering if that's normal/healthy? Like I said, I'm not hung up on my last guy or anything. But I am wondering if it's healthy for guys to be such a big part of my life.

Another thing. I don't have time for an intense relationship right now, and that's not what I want for other reasons anyway. And I know that this guy and I are on the same page when it comes to that. But I'm really into him. It's the first time I've felt this connected to a guy so quickly, and it's a little scary. I feel really attracted to him, both physically and mentally and I'm rushing forward in my head. And thinking about him constantly, because that's what I do.

He's really into me too. But he's a pretty independent guy and he doesn't strike me as the type to really get this obsessed with someone. He's very good at playing it cool, not being too intense. Which of course makes me want him even more. I find myself obsessing about when he's going to call, not appearing too forward, whether I should make the move. And that bugs the hell out of me! I don't like playing dating games like that. But it's really hard for me to stop. I don't want to scare him off and I don't want to be the one to make the relationship too intense.

And I don't want my world to revolve around guys, but sometimes it feels that way. And it's not that I'm neglecting other areas of my life or anything. I still have a really active social/academic/work life, etc. But sometimes it still pales in comparison to time spent with him.

Maybe you'll just say that it's normal, it's new relationship energy, it'll pass. But we don't see each other all that often, and it might take a while for the novelty to wear off.

To some this all up, help! Help me get out of my head! Help me stop obsessing!

Posts: 27 | From: Suburbia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can I ask about the rest of your life?

In other words, how much time and energy are you putting into friendships, family relationships, hobbies and your life goals (separate from romances)?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Houston46
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My academics are my main concern right now and I put a lot of effort into my education. I hang out with friends fairly often, probably about 3-4 nights a week. I work about twenty hours a week. I call my family about once a week (I go to school far away from home). And I see this guy once or twice a week. So it's not like I'm making him my biggest priority. It's just that he's on my mind a lot and sometimes I'm mentally distracted from other things. Does that answer your question?
Posts: 27 | From: Suburbia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It does, and if you still are putting that much mental energy into everything else, then it sounds to me like there's probably not a lot of reason to worry about being too focused on him/relationships.

I also wouldn't worry that because you see one another less often, intense new relationship energy will last longer than usual. Really, in time, even when we see someone only now and then, it does tend to normalize. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Houston46
Neophyte
Member # 33878

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Thanks! That makes me feel better.... Also, do you have any advice when it comes to what I like to call "dating chicken"? I try and wait for him to call most of the time, but when I do, I waste even more mental time/energy obsessing about whether I should just call/if I'm being too forward. Should I just stop worrying about it so much and call when I feel like it? I don't want to rush things and I like the feeling of playing hard to get (haha), but at the same time is it causing me too much stress?
Posts: 27 | From: Suburbia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Personally, I don't like any kind of game-playing in my relationships, even the seemingly harmless stuff. Game-playing, to me, means I or the other person aren't being ourselves. Do you know what I mean?

So if you're asking me, when you want to call someone, you just pick up the phone and call someone. If it's not too forward for one person to call, it doesn't make any sense to me for it to be too forward for the other to.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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