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Author Topic: Polyamory
Theta
Neophyte
Member # 43634

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I was just wondering what most people thought of polyamory. Do you think that it could work in the long run? Does it seem like the kind of relationship you could or would participate it?

Polyamory, for those who don't know, is a relationship that allows the people involved to bring in other partners as serious and permanent lovers in the relationship.

Wiki has an excellent article on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

[ 08-10-2009, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: Theta ]

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orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hey there, Theta. I want to point out that asking if polyamory is a "reasonable" way to live your life is rather offensive because it implies that someone who chooses to have polyamorous relationships is acting without logic or reason (which is pretty untrue since polyamory tends to require even more thought, conversations, and communication than monogamous relationships, if only for the fact that there are more people involved). So if you could rephrase your question with some of that in mind, that'd be great!

[ 08-10-2009, 02:26 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

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Theta
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Sorry about that, all fixed I think :)I certainly did not mean to imply that it was NOT reasonable (I am currently in a poly relationship), the new question is what I meant, case of bad wording I think.
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orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Thanks for clarifying that! [Smile]

[ 08-10-2009, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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alexisinwonderland
Peer Educator-in-Training
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Polyamory can certainly be tricky, but also gratifying in many ways.

Openness and honesty are so terribly important; that is where I found myself in some trouble -- not because I was lying, but because I wasn't sure what I wanted! If all partners involved aren't on the same page, there are sure to be difficulties.

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"But then, shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way -- never to be an old woman -- but then -- always to have lessons to learn!" (Lewis Carroll)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I've been in some aspect of poly a few times in my life, and overall, I don't think it's any better or worse than any other model of relationship. Like any relationship model, how well it goes has a whole lot to do with the unique natures, wants and needs of everyone involved.

I think the biggest issue with poly is that so many people are socialized for monogamy that, especially with those who haven't been doing poly for years and years, there's often a lot of unpacking to do, a lot of accidental-default assumptions or feelings that happen because of being so socialized for monogamy, etc.

Just to be above-board, I'm just coming out of a poly scenario right now (though a bit of a complicated one, to say the least). Ultimately, what's gone on here is that a split happened in my primary relationship, and my secondary is not my primary. That split was not actually because of the poly model, but rather because of some communication that came out during all the communication around the poly. It wasn't pleasant, and the truths that came to light hurt, but at the same time, it was WAS better they came out. Had they not, it would have been much more painful in the short and long run, to say the least. Even though the outcome in this case wasn't the stuff of happy in terms of my once-primary partnership, I'm really thankful that working that model in this case gave us that depth of communication.

Now, from here on out in the relationship I'm staying in, we're not sure what model we'll use (right now, we have a lot going on in our lives, and also are profoundly twitterpatted -- for the third time in 20 years, heh -- so we're only with each other). I personally tend to construct relationships making clear that models are always open for discussion, negotiation and reconstruction.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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TheTasteOfPurple
Activist
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I started learning about polyamory about a year ago from my now-girlfriend, and I've found that it's a relationship model that works really well for me! The more I thought about it the more sense it made to me; if I am drawn to someone enough to want to be in a romantic relationship with them and ze reciprocates, I don't feel like I would have any reason to be uncomfortable with that relationship, including either of us having (an)other partner(s).

My current relationship (triad, with one person who lives several states away having another boyfriend as well) is the most fulfilling, most comfortable, most sustainable, and just plain easiest (though we have our difficult bits, we just weather them well) relationship that I have ever been in. Granted, that is out of not-many, and I've grown a lot as a person between and during all of them; but I think the kind of people who are open to polyamory (with all of the honesty and openness and rockin' communication skills involved) are the best kind of people for me to be in romantic relationships with.

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Julia

The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller

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Smellycheesebot
Neophyte
Member # 44126

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I think it's an entirely feasible and enjoyable relationship model for some people. I almost think it's the way we are biologically conditioned to exist, and that monogamy is a mostly societal construct.

I'm monogamous, personally (I'd get too jealous in a polygamist relationship), but I don't see anything wrong with polyamory as long as there is consent between all involved individuals.

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