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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Mixed Signals?

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Author Topic: Mixed Signals?
Member # 42136

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So I'm feeling really weird about this situation that happened to me today and I'm not sure how to approach it.
One of my coworkers started kind of flirting with me before summer last semester, and had started the same behavior when we came back for training a couple weeks ago. I kind of blew the flirting off because she acted the same way around other people.
Today during one of breaks she asked if I would ever consider going out with her and I freaked, mumbled maybe and then fled for my room.
I'm afraid I might have been sending her mixed signals, and because I choose not to have a sexual orientation attached to myself I may have made it seem like I was open to a same sex relationship. I used to identify as bi, but in the last couple months I've been feeling more and more straight, and I don't really want a relationship at all right now, and I also am not feeling like I want to be with another
girl at this point in my life.

So now not only am I having all these thoughts about who I desire relationships with, and at work we've had two very heavy days of social justice training that have brought up some really icky stuff for me so now I'm feeling pretty upset, and now I have to deal with not hurting this girl who put herself way out on a line to ask me out in a heterosexual world. I just don't know how to respond to her, and not come off as "I'm sorry but I'm straight, so no thanks".

[ 08-14-2009, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: CatsRock^_^ ]

Posts: 5 | From: NorCal | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 43159

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Hi CatsRock!

I think you have a complete right to assert your boundaries, regardless of the fact that this woman is of the same biological sex as you. It sounds like you are a very kind person because you don't want to hurt her, but you also need to look out for yourself and be vocal about your needs and limits. If her flirting is making you feel uncomfortable, then that is completely valid. You don't need to put up with it just because you want to be polite and not hurt her feelings.


I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe...
I do, I do, I do.

Posts: 140 | From: Montreal | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43709

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In this situation, I think I would try to just treat her as a person who asked you out, regardless of gender. Don't make it a thing of that she's a woman, but more a thing of that you're not interested in a relationship with her.
Posts: 87 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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