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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » BF + BBF= possible?

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Author Topic: BF + BBF= possible?
ZeLL
Neophyte
Member # 28491

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Hello,

I'm really confused. Is it really possible to be a girls boyfriend as well as her best friend?

It might sound a bit silly to some but sometimes it worries me because sometimes I think that she loves me as a friend and not a boyfriend.

She has assured me that its just that the friend part is important to her as well and not just the boyfriend part. And there is nothing else that suggests that she doesnt love me as a boyfriend either.

Perhaps Im just being paranoid.

Thanks

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I think that's actually ideal. In other words, friendship tends to be the best foundation for all kinds of relationships, so having a friendship in your romantic relationship is actually pretty important.

However, being friends with someone, being best friends, doesn't mean that we have romantic or sexual feelings for someone or that we want a romantic or sexual relationship with someone.

I don't know anything about your relationship, so it's tough for me to know what you're getting at here. Is it a romantic relationship that also has a good friendship?

If so, are you feeling like something is missing for you? Why do you feel concerned about this?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ZeLL
Neophyte
Member # 28491

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Its a romantic relationship that has a very good friendship basis. Ive known about it pretty much since the beginning that the friendship part was important to her. I guess I am concerned about this because over the past couple of months we have been going through difficult patches. She just started university this year etc. And in addition the sexual part is lacking at the moment, not because of a loss of attraction from her side, but because of the fact sex started becoming painful for her and slowly but surely stopped having sex, and we had such a time gap from it, its as almost as if she feels uncomfortable or scared that she will get hurt. This with a combination with a change of a pills to find the right one ( which affected her moods quite a bit) didnt make things easier.

So yeah, she just mentioned it again. Its not the first time she has said that the friend part is really important to her because she mentioned it pretty much in the beginning of the relationship.

So I guess thats why I am concerned about it because we still in this bad patch etc.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, sometimes health issues are going to put sex on hold. Not everyone is going to be in the right space for sex all of the time, even in a great relationship with someone they feel very attracted to and want to be sexual with.

Has she talked to a doctor yet about her issues with sexual pain?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ZeLL
Neophyte
Member # 28491

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No not yet. She is much too shy to go with me or by herself. The pain started because sex began to last a little too long because at that time it was quite healthy so we had it very often. She only begins to feel the pain after sex not during. I assume she feels the pain cause she starts to feel raw, from prolonged friction I guess. Btw, dryness was never a problem.

So yeah I guess feel like this also partly due to the sex issue.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I'd suggest she sees a sexual healthcare provider. I understand being shy, but at the same time, if we're going to become sexually active and want to stay healthy, it's really important to recognize we'll need that healthcare now and then. And when there is pain, it's not a good idea not to look into it.

Mind, if it was only happening because you did certain activities for too long, or without using lubricant (as it can be needed, even if you don't think so: and for women using the pill, it often is, as part of how the pill works is to thicken secretions), that can be corrected. You can use lubricant, and you can make sure you don't have intercourse or other activities for longer than feels good to her.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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